getting up from bed
I feel the walls shaking
walking awkwardly
towards the stove
I warm last night's tea
bedcovers lie on floor
you clutch the vacuum,
which is as naked as you
sweet smell of love turns
bitterly sour in the morning
sipping the obnoxious tea,
I look at you with a hatred
so fierce, anger so unknown
your snores goad me,
I pour the tea on you
your sudden shout does
nothing but the scalding stains
on your body remind me
of ghosts from my past
spectral of that hanging over
"that tea was undrinkable, anyways"
32 comments:
Wow - what an exciting poem. Dark, but I like dark. I really felt the rage of the narrator. And how the insults of a bad relationship lurk in all the everyday details.
So, Ya not a morning person huh?
Brilliant and dark ... how simple household objects can take on so much meaning. Peace, JP/deb
That went to an unexpected place - in a good way. Dark bitter thoughts, indeed. I like how the objects play an active and not just passively symbollic role.
A great read!-excellent poem!
There is beauty in darkness.
Such moment of folly in the dark hours...
What passion! Sure can feel this one. I have known such hauntings.
(PS You're on for next week, too, with "twilight"!)
Love it! poetic expression of anger is my next phase. Is it just me thinking the vacuum was the nothingness where the author should have been?
I wouldn't have liked to be on the receiving end of that 'obnoxious tea'.
fine line between love and hate, and there you've showned passionately ;)
clever c lever clever ~ spectre as the nothingness where you lay ~ oh well done
I will never think of a cup of tea in the same way :)
I knew this poem was not going to have a happy ending, with I started it, but couldn't see how you were going to work spectral into it. But you did a great job!
passion can go either way... excellent stuff
This is crowded (in a good way) with images of things so many can relate too. Wonderful slice of life (and love)!
Tea is like that sometimes.
Wow...thank you for the cellular memories embedded in this one, Gautami--
Thanks for the prompt--
Oh Guatami, this is wonderful. Thank you for the sampling of the 'ghosts of [your] past.'
Thank you, Gautami, for this nice prompt.
I had conjured up angels of death driving along on the highway creating mass chaos. But I ran out of time, sorry. ;-)
Please read my appology, thanks.
..
Waht a picture you've created here! Perfect words!
That day ol' tea will take you places.
Angery/dark and very descriptive.
Good job.
TJ
Ouch that hurt! Love can get that way sometimes .. this was much enjoyable.
the second stanza is so powerful. Sour, very sour. An excellent read.
wow, i might not taste tea quite the same again....
you carry the reader all the way through to the scalding...
thank you for the prompt idea this week.
I felt that, it's like a bad dream I had...
revenge that tastes so sweet!
Wow, this took a dark turn that I wasn't expecting...your really grabbed me with the quick twist to the dark side!
Sheesh, I'd cut down on the caffeine. By the way, one of those transoceanic misunderstandings: when you speak of embracing the vacuum, I first get an image of a vacuum cleaner. But I think the image/moment you're going for there is the strongest thing in the poem: the sense that he embraces nothingness as passionately as he embraced you. In fact, I think you could build a poem around that.
thrz nothing like passion, written all over that... grouchy in the morning, stay outta my way sorta gal.... like mentioned the whole vaccum thing is subtle so strong...amazing how such a small thing as snoring can really tick one off
Tension is strong in this piece. It is dark in a way and yet tells of another day. Another cup of tea.
..thank u for a good prompt and a good poem..
Wow! Excellent poem Guatami. The stark emotions really put the reader at the scene with you feeling your pain.
I have been thinking about your poem all week long--Can't get it out of my head. What a great read. Thank you!
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