someone has sprinkled
crushed dried loaf on the bushes
silvery sugar shines out of it
with much disdain incomparable
these raven black birds
scrutinise with expressionless eyes
before attacking those with a gusto
the birds squint just as soon to search
for moistness to go with the crumbs
distantly I watch all this
my thoughts left to fend for themselves
just like messages left in smoked out green bottles
to set afloat into bottomless ocean
sultry air doesn't allow anything new
to set within my mind's range
apart from observing the clamour for food
the inevitable fights
along with loud cawing
realisation hits me then
it is not you who is away from me
it is me who chose this path to be absent from you
41 comments:
but why?
Very well done and very descriptive
Love these squinting birds of thirst! Small happenings can divert the worries if we pay attention.
Wonderful! You have some great descriptions there. Smoked out green bottles ... Great.
Awesome job...the first stanza has some wonderful imagery!
wonderful imagery throughout! I love the last stanza and how it ties everything together in perfection.
Second vers,
opening lines two
this took me away
to a good space
unvoluntarily
to return in the end.
L and E
Takakow
Amazing - how things distract the thought process - yet lead us directly to the point.
Very cleverly done - and full of imagery.
love evrything about this from the message in the bottle to the last two sentences...I like your style
it took me three reads to quench my thirst from this post!
lovely!
i love your way with words!
Tale from the NEW side
the sudden change of thought at the end brought out by viewing the ravens, that to me seem to point out that we see things not as clearly as we like, not until something lead us or point us in the right direction
I love this one. your mind fighting among itself like black birds fighting for food.....beautiful
and to realize that it might be your fault is something we all find hard to do. true poetry
Nice description and interesting twist at end
I always love the pictures my imagination creates in my mind from your words.
I love the imagery. Great piece.
Very like the pleiades...we only see the truth when we look away. This did make me think. Good.
b
Fascinating images co-existing and interweaving ~ immediate, past and future frames! Intriguing communal sense of association, connection, detour and vibration!
Great one here..
I feel the struggle to be alone in this one. A well-wrougt, palpable image.
it's fascinating isn't it, how distractions sometimes allow the mind to solve the puzzle on its own. love the images here, the birds are so very alive.
Your words painted the picture so well.Liked the last verses very much.
Terrific imagery and resolution - thanks for sharing it!
--SoC
choosing to be present or absent from one's life is a difficult choice. the essence of a relationship has to be fulfilling to both parties involved. well done. have a great night.
great images--can see it!
and last two lines--can feel it!
Interesting how in the end we often have new realizations.
Spirithelpers
Follow your heart, it knows best.
I hesitated on those 'smoked out green bottles' hiding the messages inside.
Why is it that we always envision a smokey (mine are brownish colored) bottle with the messages inside?
Our minds do this, I hadn't seen the concept on paper or screen before. I believe we like to add to the mystery and linger on the anticipation a little longer.
..
Yes, the first part has a lot of power. And I like the change of view in stanza two.
Best wishes
Ralf
I like this very much. Lovely writing :)
Nicely done - love the circling and tidal feelings here.
Ouch. Brilliantly done.
Thoughts in bottle, tossed over the ocean.
Might they get seasick or lonely?
I love this...especially the ideas of thoughts being like messages in smoked green bottles. The imagery is brilliant and the last stanza says it all!
I like how this poems is so full of 'visual' images, almost jostling each other in immitation of the birds you describe. And the title is beautiful, has a wonderufl rhythm to it!
finding oneself adrift in a sea of hungar...thaz beautiful g...
That you chose a very social bird is saying something.
Nice poem.
Enjoyed how you revealed an even truth than that with which you started. Lovely!
Love how you tie three diverse sets of imagery into that twisty ending.
very interesting ending.
This one is amazing. Each line overflows with well-chosen words and leaves me wanting to read more, more, more.
Coincidentally, I just caught part of "Message In A Bottle" the other night on TV :)
The imagery in this piece is stunning, especially :
these raven black birds
scrutinise with expressionless eyes
before attacking those with a gusto
the birds squint just as soon to search
for moistness to go with the crumbs
Amazing how relaxed observation can lead to deep realization.
Well done. Enjoyed every minute of it.
Fabulous. I was there with the crows and those bottles in the ocean. The last lines are haunting.
Post a Comment