Saturday, February 09, 2008

Spaced out----Sunday Scribblings

Her gold hoops touched her shoulders when she moved.
Those suited her classic features and olive complexion.
Nonchalant about her surroundings, she sipped at her tea.
Company was not welcome.
Coping with death of a long time partner was not easy.
Everyone knew, she was learning to live without him
Sadness in her demeanour was not very encouraging for anyone to approach
Respectful of her wishes, no one intruded upon her solitude
Paying for her tea, she walked out
Head held high, a smile playing on her lips
She shopped for grocery, all her favourite things
It could not have come sooner, his death
She welcomed wholeheartedly the space in her life and her fridge
The arsenic had done its work well

39 comments:

Writer and Artist on Board said...

You got me again. Nice. -Alex

becca said...

Ohhh, very good Gautami! I love the little hook at the end!

myrtle beached whale said...

ok, I am very afraid now. I have had a glimpse into your dark side.

Lilibeth said...

Scary...No honestly, a great bit of writing. I love those surprises...and here I was feeling sorry for her and wearing my sad face.

Just Jen said...

good girl....maybe....

Fledgling Poet said...

Oh my gosh, those last two lines really got me...wonderful poem! :~)

Melody said...

I love the ending, Gautami! Well done. :)

keith hillman said...

Very dark Gautami. Sinister and splendid.

ELL said...

Wonderful images. It reads like a scene from a movie.

Tori said...

I love the twist. You have captured one of my favorite styles.
Great job!

J.C. Montgomery said...

Well done. It is a gift to have the skill to lead a reader in one direction whilst having a completely different destination awaiting them. Very nice!

gingatao said...

twist in the tale, cool bananas,

Devil Mood said...

Wow, cruel :)

Herb Urban said...

Wickedly amusing story. I take it she didn't try hiding his remains in the fridge.

deathsweep said...

Great! I loved it, what a twister!!!!!

Gemma said...

Somehow, the "hoops" at the beginning made me feel there would be something disturbing to follow. And there was!

A powerful write!

Smiles and Light

Heather Kathleen said...

peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerfect!!!!

ratanaong said...

I thought it was excellent description of the scene. Quite ordinary it seems then you showed us what story telling is all about with that twist in the ending. Great work!

utenzi said...

I'd argue a bit about using the word "too" in that last line, Gautami, but I like your short story. I can certainly understand how the loss of a spouse can mean freedom, whether the loss is intentional or not.

Michele sent me over to witness your characters insouciance.

M as in Mint said...

I enjoyed both the twists - the one in the tale & the one in the take! A neat one - the 'act', the cohesive rendering et al!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

An excellent poem with an evil last line!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

BTW Michele posted me here.

Redness said...

Well done, loved the twist!

Inconsequential said...

Wonderful, just my cup of tea :)

colleen said...

I was looking for that fridge reference and there .... you did tie it in. Tricky!

Remiman said...

gautami,
This is so cool.
I've seen that look on my wife's face.
Do you think I need a food taster? ;)
Good job m'lady.
rel

Linda Jacobs said...

You are so clever! I loved this!

anthonynorth said...

Liked that. You're killing as many people as me on this week's prompts :-)

nonizamboni said...

Wonderful. And creepy. Nice work, as always.
Have a great week!

SlyGly said...

I'm totally surprised! I kept thinking, when is the fridge space going to come into this?!!

Patois said...

Bravo. Very nicely done.

Lucy said...

you wicked woman you! I didn't see that coming, LOVED it!

Heather said...

Wicked! You really had me going there... great job!

tumblewords said...

Oh, a great post! Surprised and tickled me...after I got over the flash of empathy for the 'widow'.

Cricket's Hearth said...

Nice ending!

Lord Tennisanyone said...

"Respectful of her wishes, no one intruded upon her solitude" So she is definitely not a celebrity in LA or London?

Just the thought of filling your fridge with YOUR favorite foods would be reason enough to dispose of your spouse..
except..

now that CSI in it's many forms is on TV 24/7 we all know how easy it is to trace Arsenic as it can remain in the deceased's hair for many years.

btw. Wankerpants wept like a small child after I handidly disposed of his sabre within seconds and I gave him quarter because he is my best friend and we decided not to let a woman come between us.

polona said...

ha! you've done it again!

Scott said...

as it the poem progressed i could sense she was enjoying being alone, and then the last two lines came and totally comfirmed everything..
way to be direct and to the point.
each line meant something, but it was a gradual change from sad to happy...

Preethi said...

just read this.. oh my it was beautiful.. and what a twist in the tale!!