Friday, May 09, 2008

punished for indolence?!----Sunday Scribblings

In summer days of '02
I chose to stay home

with my books and sheets-
life at my fingertips;
doing what I wanted
even silence if I please.
lying down; daydreaming
or staring at the blue sky.
probing for nothing much
uncluttered by screams,
television switched off.

ringing of that telephone
woke me up from my reverie.

holding the receiver
listening to my brother speak,
a silent scream formed in my throat
by the time I reached the hospital,
dad, you had lost consciousness-
never to wake up again.


27 comments:

Ghost Particle said...

I came back after a while to read a sad poem. The good news is I'm so emotionally numbed that I can react in any other way. The bad news is I dont understand other peoples emotions anymore. :(

anthonynorth said...

A sad poem. In my life I've coped with the death of both parents and every auntie and uncle. It never gets easier.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

No, no. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the luck of the draw. Or lack of luck, as it may be.

Don't beat yourself up over something you can't control.

Lucy said...

That is surely THE worst kind of phone call.
so sorry.

Granny Smith said...

The thing about telephones is that they are incapable of censoring the news that they bring. It's too bad that call brought such sad news.

murat11 said...

Punishment, never. Perhaps in your day, you had found your father's own passing peace as well.

Noah The Great said...

Aww!

I'll give you a hug!

Aud said...

It is always hard to forget moments like this, although sad it may be. But then, life moves on. By the way, I don't know whether you noticed my Love Q meme at my blog or not, but if I could get your opinion on love matters, it would be great. I always feel poets tend to have interesting view of life and love. Anyway, you are more than welcomed to participate in the meme, if such topics interest you. :)

Don Iannone said...

This one exudes deep feeling and touches us all. Take care Gautami.

Liza's Eyeview said...

Oh, that is not the phone call we want to hear..... (((HUGS)))

Robin said...

You never forget exactly where you were and what you were doing when a phone call like that comes.

MissGuided said...

An emotional lament Gautami. I, too, am still struggling over losing my Dad. Be strong and keep living you life, he will always be with you in spirit. I think of you regularly and today I send you warm fuzzy thoughts and a big hug to try and help you stay strong.
Kia kaha
Take care, Shaz

Jon said...

I remember receiving a phone call like that. It was one of the worst moments in my life. Your poem is both sad and heartfelt.

Julia Smith said...

Your poem is full of the longing people have to control something that is not controllable - mortality. If you had not enjoyed your carefree life, that phone call wouldn't have come. But the call will come, whether you have

'life at my fingertips;
doing what I wanted
even silence if I please'

Enjoy your own happiness - it honors your father. ((hug))

keith hillman said...

I cannot begin to imagine what went through your mind at that moment. I really emotional piece

Brian said...

No, a thousand times no. No, no, no.

((((((hugs)))))

Wild Iris said...

Hugs to you, Gautami. It always seems something tragic breaks a perfect peace.

Just Jen said...

very sad...very touching...as usual, a masterpiece :D

nonizamboni said...

Oh my. Gorgeous writing, as usual, and melancholy. Thank you for sharing a sad memory.

b said...

No never!!! Not punished!

b

A cleansing post I think!

b said...

I'm back. I am posting a "Challenge" today in honor of my mother and others that had a positive influence on my life.

http://torristravels.blogspot.com/2008/05/challenge.html

b

Becca said...

This is so haunting, Gautami, and shows how life can change for us so quickly. Certainly you could never have known what was about to happen to your dad, and I think he would like to know you were enjoying a peaceful moment.

sage said...

you've captured a sad memory--but one many can relate too. sorry about your Dad.

Thornbird said...

Its lovely the way you've contrasted two totally different aspects in your poem. Beautiful!

I don't think you should blame your dad's death on your indolence - that's being cruel to yourself! Such events will come and go in your life, but this does not mean you start blaming everything on yourself. Have faith in yourself, and move on...

Remember the song 'que sera sera' - whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera sera...

one more believer said...

no, not even...referring to yr title... thought it was a beautiful poem... relaxing, enjoying the scene.. and then, right across the forehead...ouch... my little story as it relates to yrs... my sister left me a voicemail abt my dad having a heart attack right after my mom passed.. needless to say i was absolutely terrified to answer a phone or listen to voice mail after that.. and for awhile after that... in a small way i can understand yr heartache regarding the message... and just because hrz a ((( hug )))... i need one too... it's that sorta monday... i miss my mommy even now...

Lilibeth said...

I've had an e-mail that slammed me in the face like that, and a phone call too. I remember where I was and how I felt when I heard it. There is just no easy way to share news like that. Sorry.

polona said...

poignant and touching