Sunday, May 04, 2008

pinpricks------One Single Impression



combing out with fine teeth-
love; she brushed aside
with deliberate moves,
ignoring shards of feeling.
deserted by her;
his depth of love plunged
from soaring sky to deep sea.
pain ceased to matter after a while-
pinpricks still cause trouble,
intestines tied up into knots-
slowly bleeding away both their guts.

"torture by her conscience is what she deserves"

23 comments:

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

The stars must be lined up funny; everyone I know today is playing with their dark sides.

Anonymous said...

I think the word "deserted" itself nearly forces a person to be dark. I tried to stay away from human darkness, though, and went animal. This poem here? It is so close to home it hurts. It says what I want to say but wasn't able to during the past week.

Anonymous said...

I agree with all of the other comments. This prompt is very dark! I really like how you went deep into the body to document the wounding.

Anonymous said...

This prompt had me thinking all week. It is too sad, is it not?

maryt/theteach said...

gautami, such imagic poetry. Lovely! Thank you!

Anonymous said...

I too had frustration with this prompt. It is difficult for me to put myself in that 'place'. But even with the sadness here and at other blogs, I see that so many have an ever abundance of views of what being deserted can be, as your poem strikes the human cord here. This is very, very good.

Raven said...

"torture by her conscience is what she deserves" - Wow... Such an honest and pain-filled poem. I like the way you use pinpricks.

paisley said...

very insightful post... it is just the lingering pinpricks that stay with you......

SandyCarlson said...

Emotional grief takes roots in our bodies, so the metaphor and reality merge. This is an amazing piece.

Last year I found myself deserted by a false friend. When I owned up to the truth of this, I discovered in the experience rich blessings and a marvelous freedom. So I enjoy the dark side for the opportunity that plays hide and seek with me. To know the pain is to know it once, and you capture it well. God bless.

Writing in Faith: Poems

LA Nickers said...

From soaring sky to deep sea . . .

Very telling words.

Blessings,
Linda

OFF COURSE, on THE MANE POINT

Keshi said...

good writeup girl!

**torture by her conscience is what she deserves

I hope no one has to go thru that tho.

Keshi.

Edward S Gault said...

You really give us a good idea of what it is like to wronged by someone you love.
Earlier last year I tried to get in touch with some old friends through classmates.com - They never anwered my e-mail.
Actually it's probably the best thing that could have happened, it forced me to leave that part of my life behind and move on.

Mandy said...

there is a lot of pain here in need of dissipation

Anonymous said...

wow, the physical movement of the dark side of love... from soaring sky to deep sea...

Anonymous said...

Good poem, but I hope it is not true.

Unknown said...

Very powerful beautiful words!

qualcosa di bello said...

very powerful words...it is the little thing that can cause the most pain.

Anonymous said...

case no.-Nil
Sub-grief v/s joy
the plaintiffs,the solicitors.the jury
no one had a clue..

Patois42 said...

I feel a lot of pain in this. Well done.

Quiet Paths said...

I didn't deal with the deserted side of the prompt, but you have written about the issue well. Definitely it is a kick in the gut, to paraphrase what you wrote.

Gemma Wiseman said...

Love the image of "shards of feeling".

Gemma

Annie Jeffries said...

Desertion/Abandonment. Stirs up old memories.

spacedlaw said...

The first three lines would make a fine haiku.