Wednesday, April 01, 2009

sweat trickles down on my back

sweat trickles down on my back
shades too hurts my eyes
from that french window
afternoon sun stares at me
glaring at it I stare back
and look down blindingly

bending I scratch at my itchy foot
falling sloppily on my side
my side table topples over
spilling varied things on the floor
I right myself, getting up awkwardly
my left sole crushes the flowers

which you had plucked in spring
for me, for us, to celebrate us
as bright as those daffodils
open and welcoming,
pervading into our senses
but now dried and dead

'if only I had that knack
to glare proudly like the sun
and force down your stare'

28 comments:

Fledgling Poet said...

This evoked some powerful emotions...you used some wonderfully vivid imagery!

Witchmojo said...

Oh now that one I liked. Great imagery.

Ofira Sephiroth said...

I agree with Fledgling and Witch...great use of imagery throughout the poem. I love the third stanza.

Sage said...

Nicely done, Gautami

Story Teller said...

Nice write. Where are you? Not seen in Tell A Tale? There is a new prompt and it relates so well. Wish to see you there soon.

Take care and Write On!!

ThomG said...

This does bring up some powerful, raw emotion. Nicely done.

Tumblewords: said...

powerful imagery here - !

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Hi Gautami, nice little story in there!

Angel said...

Very nicely done. You do have that strength!

C. R. Stone said...

Strong and vivid. Great imagery.

Jeeves said...

Powerful. Last para is simply brilliant.

Winnie the poohi said...

Indeed summer seem to have visited your city already :)

Princess said...

different thought..
you always bring the picture right in front of my eyes..

watermaid said...

You managed to transport me to a heat and headiness I cannot feel in our cool weather.

anthonynorth said...

Very emotional.

sudharm baxi said...

Nice imagery!!
Almost a scene..

Lorraine said...

Wow, very impressive, gosh I could see that poem, wow

Linda - Nickers and Ink said...

"If only . . .'

Well done!

NaPoWriMo - April 2nd -

PUSHBUTTON PRODUCE – A CHOICE TO BE CHEWED

Danielle Mari said...

I love the phrase, "...to glare proudly like the sun."

Definitely richly imaged.

Erin Davis said...

I really like the way you layer one image on top of another here. I could see it all, which really helped me feel it!

bitchyangel said...

lovely...
loved especially this :

'if only I had that knack
to glare proudly like the sun
and force down your stare'

Bone said...

I really enjoyed this one, Gautami. It made me hungry to know the rest of the story.

floreta said...

powerful last verse!

one more believer said...

hello g, another emotion packed story that wanders through your life in minut details..just as another day but yet speaks loudly of love or is it the lack thereof... always enjoy coming by and reading yr poetry.. it is as if you just speak and write w/o holding back... something i need to do more of.. freedom of expression...

bunnygirl said...

I like that there's a story here but it's open to interpretation. No tidy endings, and that makes it cool.

Linda Jacobs said...

I love your gift of being able to put the reader right there in the moment!

Very sad but beautifully written!

Crafty Green Poet said...

yes I remember that kind of heat!

Janice Thomson said...

Fantastic imagery throughout Guatami.
Love that last verse.