Wednesday, May 21, 2008

focussed on death--3WW


sitting on the edge of the tracks
he waited for the train
to end all his travails
when he cut his wrists,
his dad saved him;
when he consumed poison,
mom made him drink salt water.
jumping from a building,
he landed on unseen tarpaulin.
hanging from the fan,
the rope couldn't take his weight.

this time around,
his focus was totally on dying.
tired- he fell asleep
only to wake up to find himself alive.
first delayed and then cancelled train
had yet again saved his life.
getting up he kicked at the tracks,
walked back home to fill his empty belly.

28 comments:

Linda - Nickers and Ink said...

Haunting, but hopeful! Nice job.

Blessings,
Linda

Here's mine. (It's part of a meme response. You can find it, if you scroll down a bit.)

SUPER-SEVEN MEME, at Nickers and Ink

TC said...

OK, so I found it funny.

I mean, don't you kind of just want to look at him and say, "If at first you don't succeed, suicide is not for you?"

O:)

anthonynorth said...

This guy is such a failure he could end up suicidal!

pjd said...

This is not only hilarious but spectacularly well written in an understated way.

pia said...

Good thing the rope couldn't take his weight an he went home to eat some more :)

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I am actually having a day where I feel exactly like this. Not that I want to die, but everything I do is *wrong*.

Vasudha said...

Ah! A lovely poem on the frustration of being alive... :)

Sumedh said...

Amazing piece; even with all the suicide attempts there, this made me laugh! :-D

Noah The Great said...

I understand how he feels. :P

zouxzoux said...

Karma is imposing itself into his life - he needs to listen. Great piece.

mariacristina said...

A concise poem, honest, descriptive, and in the end, very human. He goes home to eat since he couldn't kill himself. Very ironic! GReat stuff, gautami.

Lucy said...

He is indestructible! Like Michael on L O S T
great job with the 3 words! :))

Angelica said...

oh, so sad, but humorous in a way. always failing, I understand that.

Good work.
Maybe he'll eat his death :P

Leigh Lear said...

a nice little twist.:)

Amarettogirl said...

I found that the going to fill his belly (an act of sustenance) after failing miserably at dying was quite ironic and satirical! great job!!!

WriterKat said...

I love this!!! Very creative. Some people can't even do suicide right. ;-)

texasblu said...

It's obviously NOT his time to die.... :D

Remiman said...

gautami,
Persistant failure; I think there is a message there.
Well done.
rel

bitchyangel said...

funny... agree with TC...
suicide is not for him... ;P

Tammy said...

Something is sending him a clear message that he eventually got. I like how you had him kick the tracks. ;)

San said...

heh.
unlucky lucky guy huh? :)

lissa said...

sometimes what we want is not really what we want.

one more believer said...

...excellent portrayal of frustration and that sometimes we just don't have much power over our lives... i almost wanted to laugh in that it's always something...

LAWRENCE said...

WOW! I really like this one. The story of the ultimate loser, can't even succeed at killing himself. I find it comical in a bizzare sort of way. I think I would leave off the last line, since it is obvious. Or maybe that could be worked into the title. Attention: The Train that Was Suppose to Run You Over Has Been Cancelled.HAPPY THURSDAY!

Just someone said...

It is really good; just flowed so well; even though it talks abt death - I'd like to hope that he changed his mind and his will to live came back:) and all's well,

Admiral Fagin said...

hmmm .. One could make a movie out of this .. hehe

A Tag Along Traveler said...

i forgot how cool your writing style is! Ive missed reading it!

polona said...

ha, death can wait while the belly fills up! :)