Tuesday, June 10, 2008

hot summer thoughts

After going through the poem Argument by Elizabeth Bishop, I penned down the latter. Our poems are in no way similar.
However, I wrote what my thoughts were after I read her work. I won't call it transcreated work.


Argument by Elizabeth Bishop

Days that cannot bring you near
or will not,
Distance trying to appear
something more obstinate,
argue argue argue with me
endlessly
neither proving you less wanted nor less dear.

Distance: Remember all that land
beneath the plane;
that coastline
of dim beaches deep in sand
stretching indistinguishably
all the way,
all the way to where my reasons end?

Days: And think
of all those cluttered instruments,
one to a fact,
canceling each other's experience;
how they were
like some hideous calendar
"Compliments of Never & Forever, Inc."

The intimidating sound
of these voices
we must separately find
can and shall be vanquished:
Days and Distance disarrayed again
and gone
both for good and from the gentle battleground.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now mine:












hot summer thoughts


dreaming of waves lapping at my feet
I walk on the asphalt road
hot summer seeping slowly from my feet
to my torso, finally reaching my head

exploding into my solitude thoughts
in my memories, I trip on the sand sculpture
destroying one of the limbs
to dust, or is it sand?

I wouldn't know, the hard aspalt
does not give an inch. pain,
it does not come close to loneliness
that eating into the core of my guts

my open palms touch the air
to catch a whiff of your scent intermingled
with mine, essence of which you stole
by arguing with your luscious body

"Solitude I seek, loneliness you enforced on me"

17 comments:

twitches said...

Nice ending, and I like the turn at the mention of pain. Up until then, I wasn't sure if the memories were good or bad. I also like how the sand sculpture relates to the actual body of the person in the memory.

January said...

Nice job. I especially like the last line.

K.C. said...

I agree with the nice ending. The writing is so good. SUch good talent... KC

gingatao said...

That is the most modernist of the poems I have read by you. It has the distance and composure of modernism while retaining a rhythm and resonate sound. Careful and intelligent work.

Borut said...

This one goes deep.

Ghost Particle said...

change my name to what Gautami?

Whitesnake said...

And DON'T you LOVE ta argue!!!!!

Remiman said...

gautami,
Solitude and lonliness....two sides of the same coin?
;)
rel

Michelle Johnson said...

another excellent write, Gautami! That last line brings everything together very nicely. Keep up the good work. Have a nice day.

polona said...

destroying part of the sand sculpture is such a powerful detail... love the connection and the differences between both poems

Lirone said...

A very resonant poem... the idea of destroying the leg of the sculpture fits in beautifully with the emotional situation going on. I also felt the heat and opressiveness of the summer.

I too had another poet's poem in my mind when writing for this monday mural - after waiting to be rescued.

Though my poem has a very different mood!

LAWRENCE said...

Great images of the hot asphalt and thinking about the waves.So many times in the heat of summer I think of the ocean and how it would be a relief. This has been my Thursday stop in! When school ends, I will have more time...

keith hillman said...

Your entire piece was a wonderful read. But I'm everyone else in agreeing that your last line was just inspirational

Rambler said...

"to catch a whiff of your scent intermingled
with mine, essence of which you stole
by arguing with your luscious body"

oh lovely lines gautami

odessa said...

I really like this one. Especially the part about broken limbs and pain. Summers are always easy breezy for me, but it does evoke a certain degree of nostalgia. Great job!

anthonynorth said...

Excellent. I suppose, for some, the last line holds a fine dividing line.

Prats said...

Beautiful!!!