Tuesday, June 17, 2008

sleeping dreams---Transcreated Work

Variation On The Word Sleep

Margaret Atwood

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and as you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.


Now read my version:

sleeping dreams

so you sleep so peacefully
uncaring that I watch you
those eye lids moving along
with your tremulous dreams
your nose flaring a bit
the rise and fall of your chest
I subtly put my ears to it
picking up your heart beat
I sway to the rhythm of it
I steady myself and
my palms slide over you
your skin seeps ecstasy
into mine. closing my eyes
I join you in your dreams
adding some of my own..


Hers is very good.And I deliberately did not write about the specifics..


Anonymous said...

your version is quite nice. I especially like the last 2 lines

poefusion said...

These poems are very good. I especially wish I could enter someone else's dream as I have nightmares quite often. Your words were beautiful, as always. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day.

Steve said...

Just lately your work has me smiling .......

Kathie Brown said...

Wow, that first poem is so beautiful. Thanks for introducing me to her. Yours is amazing also. I love the imagery in both, the feeling of necessity and getting lost in one another. Beautiful. And thanks for visitng my blog!

RIC said...

...love atwood...what a warm and sensuous poem...you have taken a stark and dramatic aim at the work...and hit it dead center!

I like the idea adding your own dreams...very intimate.

keep it coming.

Keshi said...

beautiful work, WOW!


Romeo Morningwood said...

Thanks for the Can-Lit class...Atwood's poem is very rewarding.

I loved your take and how you would meld into the dream...very protective and nurturing...and yet you want to join in as a partner. Lovely.

I wish that I slept peacefully like that..in lieu of grinding my teeth, talking, and snoring.

polona said...

both poems feel very intimate but i love how you transformed the theme.

Anonymous said...

Both poems are amazing!

LA Nickers said...

Very cool juxtaposition. Love that.


Cynthia said...

A surreal sensuality.

Anonymous said...

Good Job! :)