Monday, June 30, 2008

from the palms of my hand, you stand tall

the hassle concentrates the imminent famine
narrative boils down in pointless clue
opposite a hypothesis runs his cryptic column
can a poison strain
can the alliance dance
inherited odd
degraded urgency
false mythology
those seldom work in alliance
from the palms of my hand, you stand tall


I took those random words and sentences from any where I could find those and arranged them. I did add and delete a few words. The last two lines are my own. Does it make sense? I think I am no good at writing surrealistic poetry.


WithinWithout said...

Well, Gautami, as with everything else, such delicate, challenging work requires practice.

I'm assuming English is not your first language. In which case, this is remarkable.

When you combine random words and try to make coherent thoughts of them in a form or style (surrealism) that by definition is difficult and scattered, that's a challenge for anybody.

I like it!

Anonymous said...


The comments at RWP will be back open in a few hours (3 1/2 hours or so from the time of this comment) and you can come back (and should! this is such an interesting poem!) and post.

Julia Phillips Smith said...

A poet mentions that a piece feels unfinished but I never would have thought so upon reading it. Poems can be sculpted at, so it's hard to leave them. But this one does make its own logic.

'narrative boils down in pointless clue
opposite a hypothesis runs his cryptic column
can a poison strain
can the alliance dance'

Personally I think these lines are awesome.

Anonymous said...

this is what a writing professor used to call it. She had us "warm up" by choosing some words from a little pouch. Sometimes you get some really great stuff going on, other times you just scratch your head. The words she used were from various poems by famous poets. Finding the meaning behind it all isn't as important as descriptive images. Is it THURSDAY yet? I'm a little off schedule due to some travel...more later. LL

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

This poem with the Monday Mural suggests to me a dissonance - random thoughts. How my mind works when I get "Monkey Mind" and I can't stop thinkingatonehundredmilesperhour! This is what this poem suggested to me.


Anonymous said...

Hi Gautami, I like the way the end line compliments the picture so well!

Anonymous said...

i'm with julia--those were my favorite lines too

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

huh?? interesting, indeed!

Steve said...

Not good at? Not good at?
I should slap ya girl!

Anonymous said...

The final line (from the palms of my hand, you stand tall) is a wonderful image. Even if you're not satisfied with where this sort of 'restriction' exercise brings you, I always feel it's a great success if you get one marvelous line that you can build off of, perhaps using it as a prompt for another poem entirely. With this marvelous line, I'd say this exercise is a smashing success!

Anonymous said...

I would say that for surrealistic poetry it does not matter if it makes sense. My understanding of surrealism is for the artist to present material that the viewer/reader is to interpret.

For my own interpretation of this piece, I do like the way one image follow another - there does seem to be some logic there to follow. I seem to find cohesion in the piece - it brings to my mind the feeling of a newspaper being read and reacted to.

I didn't like it at first, but with each re-reading I like it more and more.

Anonymous said...

Hello my dear friend, it feels like years since we've talked. Hope all is well and not random like your beautiful poetry.


Anonymous said...

I like your own lines the best. The picture is very interesting. I'd re-write it your own way,maybe using some of the words and phrases you found, but doing it in your own style. I like howyou write.

San said...

absolutely love the last line. :)
very interesting. i have to give this a shot; putting random words together.

chicklegirl said...

I felt like this post was challenging, too! But you really rose to it. And I agree with what others have posted: your own lines were brilliant and would be a great starting point for another poem (I felt like those lines were a beginning of something, and I want to know what comes next!)

poefusion said...

Love the effort here. I enjoy putting together fragments, phrases or words from other places and seeing what develops. Very interesting place you have taken everyone. Keep up the good work. Have a nice day.

Anonymous said...

for me this is untouchable in the sense that it floats like magic.. at first it appeard awkward but as i read more it is as a rock was thrown into a pond, circles formed and it all came together in the palm of yr hand.. with the photo it all made sense to me... it is a good exercise to write outside our comfort zone.. yes g...

polona said...

well, this poem WORKS in its strange way!

Cynthia said...

On a subconscious level this will
make sense, I feel most surreal poetry speaks to our subconscious.
From your poem, this speaks to me
uncertainity about home, security,
questioning what these terms mean.

mareymercy said...

There is a surreal quality to this. It inspires multiple readings - I always like that in a poem.

Noah the Great said...

For the Horde!

Good write!