Friday, June 06, 2008

nocturnal

so many nights embedded in my mind
where to start, where to end-
as a child sitting on my dad's lap
I listened to stories before
I fell asleep cocooned by his love.

then those campfires, yellowing
flame flickered, night life came alive
surrounded by friends, singing
in my stupid voice. I wonder now
how all of you tolerated me?

before exams, nights did not exist
all those cramming made it disappear
into God knows where. One thought
I would catch up after I finish the tests-
supposedly essential to make me grow up

why do nights have a way of making me
feel guilty? most, when I wish to escape
forgetting my worries, wishing badly
for a dreamless sleep. that deadening state
which ought to relax and make me stress free?

"why do you have to intrude on my nights,
aren't my waking hours enough for you?

33 comments:

Donn said...

"Resist no temptation: a guilty conscience is more honorable than regret”

I agree with Oscar Wilde..
"I can resist everything but temptation" and "the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it"

Guilt schmilt.

Granny Smith said...

Some of us are just hard-wired for guilt. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

I loved yout images of stories in your father's lap, singing around the campfire, cramming for exams.

Now, if we could just solve that guilt problem...

Whitesnake said...

Come here.**** Hugs****

texasblu said...

I adore your last 2 lines - fantabulous!

I could follow you through each stage - it is true that as each season of life changes, so does every aspect - I never thought of how my nights change with the day. Facinating.

Linda Jacobs said...

"I listened to stories before
I fell asleep cocooned by his love."

This reminds me of my dad and me! Beautiful lines!

Ghost Particle said...

Im here im here....being nocturnal creature myself...im lost my head.

//why do nights have a way of making me
feel guilty? most, when I wish to escape
forgetting my worries, wishing badly
for a dreamless sleep. that deadening state
which ought to relax and make me stress free?//

hey I want to dream...every time i sleep i try and try to remember something hoping it'll b in my dreams.

you know gautami...i need a change of scene...and I dont know how or where to find it :(

anthonynorth said...

Night is when the mind truly roams. Scary.
You put it beautifully as always.

missalister said...

That was so nice, light to dark, hopeful cocooned one to tortured poet alone in the night. I love the color of your thoughts. It's similar to mine :-)

danni said...

how to make peace with one's self? - we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else would think to be --- if we could provide that cocoon in the lap feeling for ourselves??? --- i wish!!!

latree said...

my dad also used to tell me stories at night when I was little. and that's one of my favorite moments with him.

DJPare said...

Love that last line!
Also love nights by a campfire!

Tammy said...

If only we could shut off our minds like a light switch.

BIG HUG!

GreenishLady said...

No rest from thoughts ever! But I can't imagine wishing for dreamless sleep. I love my dreamlife!

LAWRENCE said...

The poem is put together well with each stanza being a different time in your life. I want to know more when I get to the last one, but you keep us wondering. Good work. Back later.

Fledgling Poet said...

What is it about the night? Anything weighing heavily on us hones in even closer...I loved your poem! :~)

lissa said...

the night hour's a strange time to be awake, great poem

Tammie Lee said...

You have woven a tale that begins with peaceful sleep due to stories and your dads love. Ending with sleep that haunts. Perhaps a storyteller in your life would be the magic you seek.

CHEFDRUCK said...

Our nights have evolved through life... I love the image of you falling asleep cocooned in your father's love.

polona said...

ah, the power of the night... sometimes soothing, sometimes disturbing...
there must be a dark secret contained in those last words...

Liza's Eyeview said...

wow... you expressed this so well... yes, sleep at night should be a peaceful rest but sometimes guilt intrude.

Like granny smith, I also like your images and stories about you and your father here.

b said...

Night is not a time for escape it seems. I am glad that I am not alone in that regard.

b

Jennifer Hicks said...

the invasion of the self at night...what a beautiful sentiment in the last 2 lines of your post. amazing!

Devil Mood said...

What a fantastic ending! It's true that sometimes there's no escaping everything in our lives. But other times I manage that and going to bed is a time-out.

Giggles said...

Boy can I relate to this one! I think it comes with being a woman, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife!
So much to worry about it never shuts off....so many depending on us! Excellent read!! Loved your poem!

Hugs Giggles

"SunShine" said...

Awesome :) Liked it totally !!

zetor said...

Very good. I liked it all.

missmays said...

oh how I like this, and all your poetry! so poignant, and the ending came as a surprise and left me therefore reading the poem over again. Nights should be peaceful shouldn't they..

Preethi said...

lovely.. the growing up and the worries seeping in.. paints a realistic picture.. :)

anno said...

Great description of some bad nights! Was it wrong to have enjoyed this?

Greyscale Territory said...

Adore the pain embedded in the final question!

Gemma

one more believer said...

last two lines are keepers.. yes, the nights are so much more active than the day sometimes... just as much alive even in sleep.. enjoyed the journey..

Aareet Krsna said...

why do nights have a way of making me
feel guilty?

Quite amazing how a person can interpret a prompt in so many ways.
Appealing!

Leonard Blumfeld said...

"why do you have to intrude on my nights, / aren't my waking hours enough for you?"

Great speculative ending!