Sunday, June 08, 2008

pet peeves



admiring the gardens,
what do I truly see
blossoming flowers,
fruit laden green trees-
dandelions blooming
along with sweet peas;
puddle of rain water
or is it my pet's pee?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a re-worked post. I thought it suited the prompt rather well. As I seldom write anything light like this, now I wait for brickbats..:)

22 comments:

Raven said...

Well, you made me laugh. No brickbats from me.

Mandy said...

None from me either. Your take on the theme is not dis-similar from mine.

zoya gautam said...

None from me either. thank u for the point of view..

Ackworth Born said...

OK - not a brick-bat but a small nit-pick - do you really need that word "truly"?

otherwise it is fine.

Edward S Gault said...

I like it,
Very clever wordplay.
Excellent!

SandyCarlson said...

What fun! I like the pun and the spirit of this piece. (There's that "pee" sound again...!)
Writing in Faith: Poems

WillThink4Wine said...

Full of whimsy! Pee happens!

gardenpath said...

Could be both!

the teach said...

Gautami, how marvelous a play on words! LOL! :D

STP said...

Ha! I like this!

polona said...

this made me laugh out loud :)

Lisa at Greenbow said...

You are funny. This does not deserve a brikbat. It is quite amusing and oh so true.

watermaid said...

It made me laugh. You used rhyme to good effect!

teric said...

LOL Love that funny surprise ending.

Geraldine said...

This was great Gautami! Loved the ending. The link worked fine, that you left over at MPP. Hope that's the end of the problems, stopping by here. The last couple of times, everything went wonky!!! ;<(

www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

Angelica said...

Nice rhyming scheme. The ending surprised me, really funny.

Quiet Paths said...

*grin* Very clever!

Whitesnake said...

brick bats? what are they?

I guess ya lightening up just a little...........
and that is cool........
sweet as!
a bit like you......

Whitesnake said...

Ok ya want brick brats....

It had no substance...
It flowed like a mudslide ..all over the place...
the words used didn't even come close to what ya tried to say....
the stanza was not existant
the spelling was terrible...
oh and to top that off I didn't get
...
Other than that I thought it was great!

MyBellavia said...

Pets do give us their all! A puddle of pee is wonderful! Especially, outside in the garden!

Chuckle!!!!!

DeLi said...

the last line is a killer :-)

one more believer said...

light hearted smiles... dandelions, everywhere...