Friday, April 24, 2009

moon eats sugar puffs











...............
just lets talk about the moon, that one which was so round

the moon has been cut into two, .......................isn't it what it is supposed to be

who took away the larger piece?.......................why does it even have different pieces
with two corners, the leftover.......................... can a round object have corners
one tries to hold itself close. ............................. even if it is celestial

one can see a few stars intruding,..................... when they have no business to do so
they have escaped from the sun ....................... aren't they suns themselves?
and now try to hide encircled ...........................and I always thought they were faraway
deep within the receding moon. ....................... to bother the moon

like a mother, it holds them- ............................like a father it scolds them
also punishes them by pushing out,...................making them play rugged games
a few protest scratchings it, .............................few sratch marks are what they show
leaving it marked forever. ...............................some in the surface some too deep

it gets bloated, its belly gets filled ..................... all that play makes moon hungry
like powdered sugar ........................................ and it reaches out for the jar of sugar
it rains in the universe for a while .................... dissolving it into cosmic rain
before renewing, rising again ........................... drinks it rising to the occasion

while it does, it gurgles so, ............................... its stomach growls protesting
listen up carefully you will know ......................that sugar is something to avoid
someone churns it up from nothing .................. universe too has certain norms
the moon is not a trifle or a plaything ............... it too caters to healthy eating

...........................................why don't we let it be

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Do check out Saturday Scribes for twinned poems. Both are supposed to stand on their own and yet read like one poem. I have posted my maiden effort here, raw and unedited. Have I succeeded? Please do let me know.


16 comments:

sarah said...

yes, I think you have succeeded :-) I actually like it best the way it appears in this combox.

SweetTalkingGuy.. said...

Yeah, this is brilliant!! It reads top to bottom, left to right, and bottom to top and quite likely a few more positions that I haven't figured out yet. I also like the bottom line that links the two stand alone's physically. Phew!

Crafty Green Poet said...

yes it does work well as a poem / series of poems.

DCMCMLVII said...

I am grateful that the moon is there to block a lot of the spacecrap that is constantly hurtling towards us because of the Earth's gravitational field.

Your celestial family has issues..like every family I suppose..but I'm concerned about their ability to communicate openly.
Perhaps they should arrange fro some couselling.

sage said...

What an intersting way to craft a poem, good job!

Deborah Godin said...

As usual, your imagery is stunning. And the idea of a twin poem (I hadn't thought of that word for it) appeals to me. I'm into pattern poetry and the visual placment of words and lines on the page, so this is right up my alley. One thing that I find just a little visually distracting are the "indents" in some of the lines on the poems. This might be a Blogger issue, it does that to the first lines of the poems I post, too. But I think a straight margin for the right-hand poem would make reading across the two easier. Anyway, that's not really a criticism, and I love the ideas you've laid out so eloquently.

Claire said...

Complicated, but I think you pulled it off well!

watermaid said...

It's surreal including the Maths stuff about corners.

saturdayscribes said...

That works really well, both poems separate and together. I like the idea of a hungry moon.

It's cool to see other poets playing with the twinning concept. I might have to find some more pattern poetry challenges for Sat. Scribes in the future.

Unknownwriter and Almost Lover said...

very well done ..you fit the format perfectly..:)

Whitesnake said...

Yes!

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

you always have some of the most interesting forms!

Wayne Pitchko said...

really works well....nicely done

Janice Thomson said...

Yes, yes and yes! :)
Well done.

Jeeves said...

Yes, of course. I like this.

Linda Jacobs said...

This was fun! I didn't realize what you were doing until I got to the end so I went back and read it in a couple different ways. Love it!

The family idea is so fresh and unique!