Wednesday, July 08, 2009

a day in a child's life

gloom has descended on that child
transparent tears pour over his cheeks
I kneel in front of him
wiping those as best as I can
HE IS UNCONSOLED
tears flow even after I wipe
he too kneels down
his espressions so transparent
loaded heavily with gloom

nothing is sadder for a little boy
other than a broken toy
I MEND IT AS BEST AS I CAN
he breaks down again
sadness replaces unbidden joy

26 comments:

Anna said...

I really enjoyed this poem, especially the structure of the first stanza. You're a very talented poet. :)

--Anna
Diary of an Eccentric

Fledgling Poet said...

I loved this one. Gloomy or not, I always look forward to your vivid imagination and wonderful way with words!

anthonynorth said...

Yes, those tears can pull us along. Excellently done.

ThomG said...

The construction of this is excellent. And the images riveting. Gloomy, yes, but with feeling. And that counts for something.

Michelle Johnson said...

Sometimes a child can't be consoled no matter what. It just takes time for him to release all his sadness. Well written, as always. Hope all is well. Have a great day.

strattonm said...

You do marvelous things with words.

great job!

lostmermaid said...

you leave me amazed !!!! loved this :)

Linda Jacobs said...

This was me last weekend with my granddaughter! Wow, you totally captured it perfectly!

Just someone said...

You nailed it:) I love the visual of the inconsolable kid...

I am in a gloomy mood too :)

Stan Ski said...

The mood was captured to perfection.

JP/deb said...

Excellent uses of these words ... love the twists in meaning from beginning to end of poem. Wonderful.

Peace,
JP/deb

Jeeves said...

Lovely poem..

sarah haliwell said...

What a lovely poem, so true to the sometimes dark spirit of childhood. You are endlessly clever.

upperlefthandcorner said...

Nicely done.

Tumblewords: said...

cleverly done - it IS a day in a child's life... enjoyable read!

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

I love the construction here. So nicely done, as always.

andy said...

Brings a tear to my eyes!
Well written!
<3

bitchyangel said...

i liked this...

you really have a way with words...

angie said...

I love it...and I want to give him a hug!!

pjd said...

I mend them as best I can, too, but unfortunately I can not mend them very well. Very little is sadder than a broken toy, especially one bought with one's own money at a special place.

RBroeker said...

The scene is everyday-like. But the rhythmn is taking me with it.

Best wishes
Ralf

Greyscale Territory said...

Your poem is alive with the simple way to please a child! If only we always remembered that simple is beautiful!

lissa said...

it's not as gloomy as I expected, I thought something more tragic than a broken toy, but that can mean more to a child than anything else, makes me think of a parent trying to soothe a child, something almost intimidate in a way

Wayne Pitchko said...

vivid indeed

Megha said...

Wow..great innocent emotions...well put...I like it

Leo said...

well written...
the pain of the child, was well structured in the poem...