you are not here
I close the door,
collapse on the floor
you are not here
I clutch you kerchief,
yearn for your scent
you are not here
I walk into the kitchen,
bite into a peach
you are not here
I let the sweet juice
melt into my mouth
you are not here
I cherish this moment
thankful for the space
you are not here
I hear the bell peal,
open the door
now you are here
20 comments:
Love the title you chose for this one. At first I thought this was about the loss of someone close but the ending redirected my thoughts. Great write. Hope all is well.
Phew, glad you found him/her, love the way you got all the words into the title!
<3
Ah, the anticipation.
the repeat of the single line really makes this work on the whole. The sweet anticipation builds until that moment.
Ritual
very nice... esp the title :)
being a participant of 3ww myself, i could get to know the inspiration quick...
coming to ur post, i like the repetitive use of "you are not here"... the anxiety and wait could be seen easily... nicely done...
As I read this, I kept thinking, yes, it's like this, and this - wonderful!!
I liked the build up to the ending. the ending made me smile.
love the short lines and the repetition--it works well!
The repetitive lines only added to her yearning...with a happy outcome.
The simplicity of this is wonderful. It reminds me of Jane Kenyon's "Otherwise." (But I like yours better!)
This turned out happy - I thought maybe it would not be so. Nice!
ah i feel the yearning!
Oh I LOVED the ending! It was such a surprise, and had a real oomph to it. I can't explain myself perfectly - will you understand me if I say, your intention with this worked.
I love the simplicity and the repetition in this. So deceptively spare, but it packs a delicious punch!
Nice. I like the flow.
its awsome!
very nicely done!
Beautifully written! :)
Sweet verse!
the waiting is usually the worst but the reward is so much better in the end, at least that's how this poem seems to me
I thought it would end by a sad note. But thanks for the happy ending
http://fullofcherries.blogspot.com/2009/07/victory.html
I am imagining this sequence spans months and represents the phases of recovery from a failed relationship. I'm not so sure the end is a happy one... perhaps more of a new beginning than an ending.
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