Wednesday, July 29, 2009

patronising darkness weakens me

darkness
patronises me
I weaken

under its spell
I clutch my purse
wearing heels

I go downtown
drinking like a fish
I pirouette

away my sorrows
flitting from body to body
seeking oblivion

"on my way home, I will steal the kids"


21 comments:

Lorraine said...

dark...painful and excrucifying..

anthonynorth said...

Very dark. Nicely done.

Americanising Desi said...

you call mine scary?

this is scrayyy!!!

i shuddered!

Click Here For My WW

Missy said...

Yikes! Something to be said about heels :).

Hope you are feeling better.

Linda Jacobs said...

"I pirouette
away my sorrows"

Awesome line!

You paint quite a picture here! I love it even though it makes me sad.

sage said...

Interesting, but I'm still pondering the last line.

ThomG said...

Wow, G, this really is most powerful. It does paint a picture, but it sets a mood, too.

The Path

pia said...

Love how it builds up to the end--and very dark

Bobbie said...

Dark and yet wonderful! I like how it builds. :)

Mark said...

Leave 'em wanting more. Good call on ending this in such a mysterious fashion.

Well done!

Tumblewords: said...

So there! Showing your stuff - I don't get the part about the kids, though...hmmm. Nice work! Hope you're feeling well.

quin browne said...

excellent...

Just someone said...

The end left me hanging - seeking for maybe something more?

Awesome... like others say, dark, but still great!

pjd said...

I love something about the "on my way home" part. As in, "On my way home, I'll pick up some bread for toast in the morning." "On my way home, I'll fill the gas tank." "On my way home, I will steal the kids."

Uh huh.

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Dark and intriguing. This left me wondering if the narrator was speaking with intent or just out of drunken illogic, soon forgotten. I guess I won't get to find out.

Jeeves said...

Dark, dark!!Very good one

Stan Ski said...

Drink to forget - and remember!

MichaelO said...

Well, G'tami, I appear to be in the minority with this. I don't feel the darkness. In fact, this is more celebratory to me. The infection of the evening drawing us away from the practicality of our daily struggles in search of some respite. I find nothing scary in Piscean indulgence and mingling on the dance floor. I rather enjoyed that!

Lucy said...

I tried to see this the way Michael saw it.. after all I love to see the positive in things.. BUT 'flitting from body to body seeking oblivion' I only see darkness there and the imagery of a beautiful high heeled woman consumed with pain.
I imagined a very long tale in a few perfectly chosen words.

Megha said...

Dark and ghostly..

Michelle Johnson said...

I see someone who's lost, trying to escape life's hurt and the solution not necessarily the one which will bring salvation. Well written.