Tuesday, January 04, 2011

musical whirlwind

she, whosoever she may be,
has raised the fire,
called the whirlwind.
yet he remained still,
standing, filling his spirit
with deep silence to absorb the sound.
here was a decision of some weight
it pumped his lungs
and burst forth into his eyes,
it set his head aflame with light
and seethed into the outer air.
she reached for it,
and her hand slithered across the matted wet fur robe
lying upon his still body

"musician, are you?" he finally grunted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a found poem. In the literal sense. The sentences have been taken randomly from Magical Tales by R. J. Stewart. You can read the full sentences which end in fullstops.

48 comments:

Mama Zen said...

This is amazing!

PattiKen said...

I like this a lot. You took these lines and made poetry. I'm with Mama Zen. Awesome.

One Stop - The Place For Poets, Writers and Artists said...

lovely with an underlying something...



excellent in your choice and leaving it open ended

Thanks for sharing with One Shot

~MDW

signed...bkm said...

Fantastic .....he became the music that is excellent what passion is....brillant...bkm

Desert Rose said...

WOW ! Excellent verse, EPIC ending and such an enchanting journey in between :)BRAVO!

neil reid said...

Give you some matches, and you've built a fire here! This poem bursts with such energy, as well surprise, making turns in the thread. This was a pleasure to read. Thanks!

Mary said...

Wonderfully crafted work, Gautami

Myrna R. said...

This is lovely, so original. I really enjoyed it.

Tichaona Chinyelu said...

I enjoyed the ending. It definitely gave it a twist that made one want to see what followed.

Monkey Man said...

Very creative. I love the whimsy of the last line.

Diana Lee said...

This is wonderful! Its perfect as is but at the same time, I want more. So glad you visited my page today so that I could find you :)

Shewriting said...

a found poem...great! I always wanted to try one of those...this one turned out wonderful!

Eric Alder said...

Music definitely has movements like these. Cleverly constructed!

Nice One Shot, Gautami!

Chris G. said...

Interesting methodology for this one's construction. I've read plenty of "found" poems, but to see you actually hobbling one together from random lines throughout a novel, and successfully at that...an absolute stunning delight. Comes together perfectly, strong flow with delicious and stirring, gasping imagery...underlaid with passion and a night gone before...

Beautiful poem. Great work.

Gay Cannon said...

Was this way of construction a challenge or your own decision? Whichever, the result is enchanting and the fire and passion for me forever is music; always a musician that heats my blood and brings my emotions to full boil! Well done.
Gay@beachanny

Thoughts Not Lost said...

Wow, so cool!

hedgewitch said...

An excellent expression of what it is to be moved by sheer art and talent. The last few lines are full of both intensity and a bit of whimsy for me. Liked it very much.

Glynn said...

You've used the lines to tell a captivating story. Well done.

vivinfrance said...

There's only one word for this: fabulous.

Old Ollie said...

Cool technique - great one shot!

ravenswingpoetry.com said...

I am amazed by the poems people have composed this week, and this is no exception. You fit together these lines beautifully to construct a tale of desire that leads us off the page. Well done.

-Nicole

flaubert said...

Beautifully composed Gautami.
Pamela

g-man said...

I Love This!!!
Gautami....You weave words wonderfully!!

kkrige said...

You and G-Man are masters of re-worked poems today! I am sure that took a lot of work, but you created (re-created?) a powerful piece.

booguloo said...

I'll chime in as well; that's quite an accomplishment.

joanny said...

WOW! an interesting concept, who would have thought it would come out so magical. R. L. Steward would be impressed with what you did with his verse/storytelling lines.

joanny

Margaret Bednar said...

...She started something and got what she wanted, it seems. Very interesting, although I had to read it a few times. I might have to give this form a try someday... Thank you.

annell said...

I really love this one!

Gigi Ann said...

Being new to poetry, I don't understand the form, but it is amazing how it turned out.

Brian Miller said...

it is an intriguing concept and you spliced them together well to weave an interesting tale...the musician part set my mind to moving...

Kodjo Deynoo. said...

You have got talent my friend

SuziCate said...

Fabulous...I love this. I really like this "has raised the fire" as pertaining to music.

lukepraterswordsalad said...

it pumped his lungs
and burst forth into his eyes,
it set his head aflame with light
and seethed into the outer air. >great stuff

but you're saying you didn't write this? Just took someone else's sentences and rearranged them? Er, then why would you submit it to OSW? All the credit I gave for that sentence above doesn't even belong to you. By the look of the other comments, they missed the footnote explaining that you didn't write it. So I am to credit R. J. Stewart? I find it bizarre that you'd even want to put this experiment (worthy as an experiment, sure) up for OSW or even blog it, actually. You look to be a decent poet in your own right.. why semi-plagiarise? Because you are letting them all believe that it's your original work, even though you wrote the footnote. You should be replying to their comments telling/reminding them that you merely put different sentences of Stewart's work together.

gautami tripathy said...

Luke, I have mentioned it is a found poem. You yourself said that here. And you can see that from the comments thread too, that most are aware of it. Yes, it is an experiment , a prompt set by We Write Poemsand one that I am not going to repeat.Many have taken part in this experiment themselves and produced beautiful work.

A found poetry is not easy to write. I should know as this is only one I have written, taking all the lines from somewhere else, and putting those in an order, which works and makes sense. .

I do know I am MORE than a DECENT poet! And also someone who explores every avenue for poetry.

We all take words from the dictionary. Is that plagiarising? Having said that, I am not going to continue with this discussion any further.

Claudia said...

passionate...

KB said...

I love the poem you made out of Stewart's sentences. Happy New Year!

Cor said...

Beautiful. I loved the descriptive lines. Prose was a lot harder than I imagined it would be. Thank you for sharing yours.

lukepraterswordsalad said...

The dictionary? That's called using language... we arrange words in certain order from the dictionary, to give a particular meaning, cadence, musicality, inference/subtext, texture, etc etc. This has nothing whatsoever to do with simply taking an author's work and rearranging the sentences. If it was a prompt for a particular poetry event, fine (but a little strange, I wouldn't even blog something like this, it's nothing more than a creative writing class exercise). But I was under the impression that OSW only took original submissions. This is not original. Interesting discussion, no offence meant. These things matter to me and I find it intriguing. Why are people so afraid to talk about, for God's sake?

lightverse said...

This may have been a found poem, but you made real beauty and created that 'something' which one cannot put a finger on...so creative!

Peggy Goetz said...

I like this very much. I love what you made from these found sentences. Good choices. And thank you for visiting my blog!

gautami tripathy said...

Luke, it isn't people are afraid to talk. It is more like they don't want to waste time doing that. I, for one, would rather write or read in that time! But you said people in a general way. I take it, that you didn't intend that for me.

Original. If you come to the finer print nothing is original. No emotion. No feeling. No individual. We all come from matter. And end up as matter. And that remains constant. How is that for a discussion?

lukepraterswordsalad said...

Guatami -

I will let you read/write, I apologise for bringing it up, and for any annoyance/offence caused. I forget that on the blogs, the vast majority only want positive feedback etc. I critique a lot of poetry daily, and run a group for constructive criticism/honest feedback, because I for one will not grow as a writer just hearing how good my poems are all the time. When in Rome... yeah, I will do as the Romans do. I can see from your other posts that you are a decent poet.

I hope we can get along OK, please feel free to delete my comments of course

Kind regards

Luke

Steve Isaak said...

Intense, heated, wow-worthy.

irene said...

Oh dear. Luke and Gautami, bygones! Luke, she wrote it in response to a prompt from We Write Poems to construct a cento poem, which is to put together lines from another's work. It's in her footnotes.

gautami tripathy said...

Luke, feel free to critique any of my works. I don't believe in the Rome/Roman thing!

No offence taken. And we will get along just fine. Life is too short for anything else...

gautami tripathy said...

Luke: what I can't take is misspelling my name!

*grin*

lukepraterswordsalad said...

Thank you. And apologies for the misspelling, Gautami. Won't happen again :)

Kind regards

Luke

Mary said...

I'd already posted in response to your poem, Gautami; and I thank you for responding to mine which had sentences from Bel Canto. You said you had really liked that book. Me too. It would be in my top 5 of all times. So rivetting (sp) to read. Couldn't put it down. I was so sad about the ending though.