Saturday, January 15, 2011

Thigh story (25 words, 160 characters)

His single kidney split into two.
Hissing.
Flowed on his thighs.
Yellowed.
Dried, his thighs look like the lottery ticket.
Don't eat your pretzels from it.

27 comments:

Koby said...

Your Centus made my kidney hurt..I love your originality.

Terra said...

yes, I cringed a little. UGH. Nice take on this!

Strummed Words said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nimaruichi said...

Poor guy!
(Not even thinking of pretzels at the moment)
:)

Strummed Words said...

That single kidney splitting - he has lost the lottery. Riveting! Here's my lottery ticket.

cesar gealogo said...

Very clever and I did like the way you say things in a few words but with deep insights. Well done and good day.

Your words conveys deep meaning.

You can find my words in the poetry world at http://www.cesargealogo.com

hip-chick said...

very interesting take on this.

Ames said...

I cringe with a sense of lost hope.~Ames

Sue said...

yikes

that was kinda visceral

And i liked it.

=)

Deborah said...

Now that's an original take!!

Anna said...

Sounds great! But I don't understand it! Original thinking! A little gory perhaps. I'm not sure that I want to know what this poem means. Some things are best left as they are!

Best wishes,
Anna
Anna's SC#37-The lottery ticket

Kat said...

I can always count on you for an original, thought provoking Centus. The image of the kidney splitting, hissing - really nicely done. Kat

Tina said...

Quite the picture you painted there...yikes!

flaubert said...

Wow, that brought quite the image to mind!
Pamela

cj Schlottman said...

Nice work with the concrete, if unpleasant, images. It makes me feel a great sense of loss, and I marvel at your ability to say so much in so few words.

Great post..........cj

Jo said...

the imagery is something else ... what an interesting take!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You take us on such an interesting journey in so few words. I appreciate it.
xoRobyn

Brian Miller said...

dont dip your chip in it...eww...lol. it does make my kidney hurt...

Claudia said...

agh...

Viki said...

I will have to think on this one lol.

Monkey Man said...

Ack! Most definitely wouldn't eat pretzels or anything else off that surface. Thanks for playing along with the Sunday 160.

Alice Audrey said...

Ewwwww!!!

Oh, wait. Cooked?

Jingle said...

wow...

watch out...
striking words..well played.

Nancy Jane said...

Powerful. Guess I'll be chewing on this one all week...

Kavita said...

Eow.. (cringing and wincing)
A very tight write though!

(I am kinda glad I am not a fan of pretzels) :)

jeff campbell said...

A certain Haiku quality to this...nice...Peace and blessings

Jenny said...

Amazing how grossed out you made so many of us in only 25 words.

That is some well-done micro-fiction.

Thanks for linking.