Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Patterned Dreams---terzanelle

I have written a terzanelle here. A terzanelle is a poetry form which is a combination of the villanelle and the terza rima. It is nineteen lines total, with five triplets and a concluding quatrain.

I drive myself nuts trying new structures. Here I wrote about dreams being woven into clothes. All are welcome to critique it.

Patterned Dreams

in and out, dreams form in beautiful patterns
tail of silken thread following it faithfully
coloured and hued, takes twists and turns

within clothes enhancing it luminously
weaving aspirations of life’s thoughts
tail of silken thread following it faithfully

vacuum gone taking with it the draughts-
basted out, building up with great strength
weaving aspirations of life’s thoughts

needle stitches in dreams at some length
on the trousseau of the lovely bride, tightly
basting in, building up with great strength

embroidered in are the wishes into lovely
accouterments desired, along with hopes
on the trousseau of the lovely bride. tightly

held emotions, feelings needing to cope.
in and out, dreams form in beautiful patterns-
accuoterments desired along with hopes;
coloured and hued, taking twists and turns.


Steve said...

embroidery of dreams!

All sewn up!

sage said...

nice--I'm learning more about poetry from your blog than anywhere--but then it was never something I studied. thanks for the insight

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I really enjoy your poetry! Always something new. :)

grumplestiltskin said...

you're making me jealous
i keep meaning to try a sestina
but then never doing it
it's the haibun for me at present
thank you

Beaman said...

I agree with Sage, with every poem of yours I learn something new. I don't think I'd heard of a Terzanelle before, rather like I hadn't heard of a Villanelle.
I was studying your structure and rhyme sequence. It's pretty impressive what you have crafted here. My only suggestion would have been to try a little more alliteration purely due to the subject matter. Silk and dreams lend themselves to s-s-s-s and w-w-w-w (for example) repeated sounds.

'...accouterments desired...'

You are a poetic siren! In other words you have tempted me into trying one now. :p

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've read better structured poetry than yours Gautami. It flows so beautifully.



Clockworkchris said...

I finally got here. I analyzed it before I read it to make sure I could duplicate the structure and wasn't missing anything. I assume there is no rule about syllables, that makes me much more comfortable. I have written many poems that follow the aba, bcb, cdc, format but never had the quatrain ending. This was really good and a fun read. I must admit like everyone else, I don't strive to learn about poetry and your page does present so many new ideas on how to write in different fashions. I always just called everything a poem. I agree with Rose that I have never read more poetry that was purposely structured and ended up as great as yours.

dsnake1 said...

how did you do it, gautami? the structured verses, i mean.
i'm still throwing away half-done villanelles.

polona said...

you really excel at structured poetry!

Kindness said...

you are an amazing poetress! like other's commented... I learn something new each time i visit!

Clockworkchris said...

I decided I could do this-not as well as you did, but that I could at least try and I did. I have posted it.

Bill said...

Always a pleasure to see you experimenting with form and adapting sometimes exotic forms to familiar themes of daily experience.

Keshi said...

wut a colorful verse on dreams n hopes!


Pat Paulk said...

This was new to me also. You and Floots are educating me on structured poetry. Not brave enough to try it, yet.

Rob Kistner said...

Gautami -

This is a challenging structure of poetry, but you "threaded" it together quite beautifully.

Very lyrical.

"...dreams form in beautiful patterns tail of silken thread following..."

I absolutely love this passage above. It is exquisite, and pleasure to read.

Well done!

strauss said...

Oh you are so clever to take on these various forms. You inspire me to learn more about the styles, so I can feel more confident in my own writing. Well done.

gautami tripathy said...

Thanks to you all. I feel humbled when you say you learn new forms from my blog. I am always looking for new things to learn. So I turn to poetry as there is so much to learn in here- forms, structures and nuances.

Writing a structure is not as important as relating it with concrete things. I do not prefer to write abstract. I want to write something most can relate.

I do not even like to write about the "I".

As a very dear friend Stanley Shiel, suggested, one has to think in that form first before attempting anything it it. I am grateful for his advise

Romeo Morningwood said...

Oh what a terzanelle you weave on the Web!

Lotus Reads said...

I love how you are constantly trying new structures and taking your poetry to new levels, beautifully done, Gautami!

writerwoman said...

This is a structure I have yet to try. Thanks for introducing it to me.

I enjoyed the way this was like a walk through someone's subconcious wishes- their hopes and dreams and desires.

poefusion said...

All of your terzanelles were really nice and fun to read but, it was the first one I commented on that I liked the best. And, I agree with everyone else your form is impeccable. You can certainly write well within structure as you can with free verse. Well done. Have a nice day.