silk sari with shades of green,
draping it around, she did preen.
encircling thin golden chain
on her waist added to the sheen.
movement so graceful, fluidly flowing.
hair raven-black, wavy, cascading,
lights from amber sunset, flickering;
richness of her attire, gleaming;
happiness within her sparkling
suddenly her joy was under attack.
every plan of hers went awry, off track
she slipped, almost damaging her back.
now laying on her bed, her mood so black,
gnawing her lower lip looked at an almanac!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is a true account. Kind of narcissistic, isn't it? For three days, I could not move from my bed.
*Update: This happened a long time ago. Now my back is perfectly ok. With regular walks and Exercise.
Do ride the Monday Poetry Train
23 comments:
Well, gautami, you have a lot to be narcissistic aobut here. The sustained rhyme pattern fits the theme.
I've always wanted to try on a sari, but now I'm apprehensive, what if this would happen to me?
I've tagged you by the way, hope you don't mind, the details are here: 10 for 10 meme
As the owner of a picky back, I know your pain. If it's only a muscular thing, try to get up and move around as much as you can. Believe it or not, it helps.
Hang in there! And preen away; it feels good!
Very well put together.
the poem was beautiful, till that the end--I hope your back is better
Cool, lovely poem with a skip and ryhme like in her step. Til the trip at the end which was a lovely contrast, made the poem seem very real, cool,
Different......a lovely description, an unusual ending :)
That was a stunning visual-unexpected ending-sorry about that. :(
uh-uh, hope you feel better, Gautami
The beginning of the poem gives no hint about the twisty ending. Rather like the action in the poem. Blindsided. I like the way the tone of the ending is also quite different from the flowing feeling of the beginning.
The best laid plans of mice and men...
We never know when life will deal us a blow! Your poem describes the unpredictabilty of our days, even when we think we are impervious.
love the descriptions you've use here
Oh, very vivid images. Great poem! :)
I liked it quite a bit. It had an interesting and fresh perspective. Besides, I respect anyone who dares to rhyme in this day and age.
That's a terrible thing to happen. I hope you're better. The poem wonderfully describes it, till the end when you tell us it's true.
I love your rhyme choices here. The first and last stanzas have the harsher male rhymes with the accent on the last syllable which point out the more down-to-earth. But that middle section is pure girly with the feminine rhymes. It really accents the movements!
You are good!
i can see in my mind's eye the faces of my mama and her mama, nodding solemnly, grandma's finger gently caressing the bible verse: pride goeth before a fall.
they were both sparing in their praise of other's including their own children for fear of being the cause of another's fall.
i'm going to take a risk here: i'm in awe of the way you seem to be able to make poems out of absolutely anything.
i am never disappointed by my visits here. i can always count on being entertained or having my thoughts provoked. or, as with this poem, both.
And neither you nor the sari got to go out that day! how sad! But the dance beforehand was beautiful. A long time ago I nursed someone who had to lie on her back for 3 days! Very frustrating all the way around...
My wife, Yvonne, suffers from back pains. I feel for you.
I'm quite getting into poetry since I joined this new community. I've never really tried it before.
But I'm being inspired. So who knows.
Yeah, I love the way you've rhymed this - it reads like a beat!
this has a great rhythm and i love the way it's all woven together.
hope your back doesn't cause you any trouble
Gautami - I was really enjoying your wardrobe, and then you fell... :(
Hope you have recovered! ;)
Oh my, what a lovely turn at the end. I love it when a poem turns quirky!
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