strings cross with wires
all goes black
and then white
luminous yellow acts as a filler
a magnet pulls all in
containing all in a minute space
unwanted unexpected something
bubbles out to the surface
making it look like a cake
of non-descriptive colour
again wires cross with strings
"I desire to walk out of the desert intact"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here I wrote whatever formed in my mind after each sentence. When I wrote it, it made a lot of sense to me. Sometimes, we have to give in to what our mind desires.
35 comments:
I think I had a dream like this one :) Great imagery Guatami.
I think when we put words on paper or type into a computer, they don't always become our own and sometimes runs away from us... enjoyable read though
wow! crazy good imagery. love how it ends where it began. good job!
Nice work! It sings with the unusual!
Associativity. It forces the reader to think about and prevents from consuming. Most authors swing between this way and conceptional writing, some decide to go one way. Am interested in your decision.
Best wishes
Ralf
This is so surreal, but enjoyable.
I love the way you wrote this. And I love the way it reads.
I think you're very impressive, for some reason, made me think of my favourite song, MacArthur's Park
PS as I write on my word blogs, I've realised that I've begun to enjoy people responding with poetry, I have you to thank for shredding another layer of ego :)
Thanks Rooted lol now feel free to respond in anyway you want, lol
Yes, sometimes our words have a mind of their own but, that's what makes for some interesting reads, like yours. Have a great day.
someone else has already said it: surreal. You have sure a creative side to you that has a wonderful variety to it.
It is like a surrealist picture, somebody shall make a painting after it...
The mind is a powerful tool
absolutely true. that's all I do. it made sense to me. :)
I definitely support experimentation! It's fascinating the way each line advances.
I really like this; there is beauty in science.
I like the images here. You're right about just following the flow of the words and your thoughts. The results are often interesting, usually surprising. I like the combination of the tangible (magnet, wires) and intangible (yellow, space) here.
Weaving dreams?
The dream, the light, the draw, the direction....well done, friend.
This is a nice round and rounded little poem. First the strings do the crossing and finally the wires come back to do the crossing to end it.
I was ready for a blackout but then it worked 'your way' instead.
..
Thanks for your kind comment and suggestion as well.
I can't do that ("his vocabulary is small") although I was and still am struggling with the third verse.
My syllabic form is 7,7,7, so I can't change your way. I have tried others but so far it is like it is.
Thank you again,
..
Well...it does make sense as a dream-sequence. And your last line 'I desire to walk out of the desert intact' helps me imagine that this is part of a larger dream, as our lives are always part of a larger dream.
Thanks, Gautami.
I was wondering what tale you were telling. Still in the reading I liked the feel of it. Fun freedom you gave yourself. I gave myself a tiny bit of the same freedom with my OSI, then kicked back and tried to interpret it as though it were a meaningful dream.
Very interesting poem...I enjoyed it.
The intersection of emotion and words ... line by line. Peace, JP/deb
Soulmate Intersection
I kind of enjoyed the broken and choppiness of this poem. You did well with your inspiration.
i enjoyed the visuals that this poem had. i think this is what occurs with vibration of sound.
I agree with Janice. Reminds me of a dream. (I dream in colour. :). Like the imagery and that this is different, but uniquely yours.
like a pathway,an intriguing pathway
This has a lovely rhythym to it -- "strings cross wires" indeed!
Hrm. I had to read this again, and even then, it escaped me a bit - but I like the imagery.
.."surreal" and could be psychological .. thanks for an interesting post ..
walk out of the desert intact - we all want that don't we? Lovely and haunting.
Tami, you write as if in a dream. I think it is wonderful. I love how the words sound.
I have lost my BD site to malware.
My new site is :
http://belovedhaikudreams.blogspot.com
I have miss so much and all of you. I was ill.
love,Melanie-bd
delirium, grief, a birthday, a longing to be free of mortal limits...
a poem that is a Rorschach
inspired imagery as always!
I like how you created this one~ interesting imagery
as alway a delightful read... passing to and fro along the way... bubbles to the surface struck me strongly... tanks...
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