blowing over that mug of coffee,
(a habit he had picked in trucker days)
he stared at its frothy stirrings
fracture of time had made him rescue her
from what he didn't know as yet
a hindrance she was for him, his work
abandon her, he just couldn't
without exchanging a single word
he could hear the noise she heard in her head
her stillness troubled him to no end
he watched her image vanish within the coffee
even though her reality was palpable beside him
41 comments:
Stirring images.
Love the element of darkness beyond the coffee froth!
There's a lot of meaning in that cup.
Beautiful, full of rich imagery and poignant emotions.
Love the bit that says 'He could hear the noise she heard in her head'.
<3
The look back in longing over a cup of coffee is brilliant. I really like the visions in this. One suggestion - put "to" before no end.
You made some strong human connections through that cup of coffee. Some good, honest and from the heart poetry. Have a great day.
i could hear the noise she heard in his head!
wow terrific :)
My 3WW
Some people can read leaves in tea, you seem to foresee things in coffee, did I mention how powerful your words are?
beautiful imagery and beautiful connections :)
Elegant Expressions
Thanks Thom G. I added!
Clever! somewhat sad in a good, inspiring way.
That is one deep cup of coffee...
I've always watched how people blow on their hot drinks and hold the cups... I couldn't help but wonder if this is the same trucker who picked up the girl in an earlier poem of yours. Is he?
Lots of thought in that cup. And he may never know...
he stared at its frothy stirrings - that is a nice line!
I like how this is told from the truck driver's point of view! And the image in the coffee cup is great!
I love the idea of blowing over a cup of coffee. Can I steal it?
Nice. I've had many a ponder over coffee, myself.
We think about a lot of things over a cup of coffee or tea.
Well done.
Nice image of ambivalence in a cup of coffee!
I'm new to your work, and I look forward to reading more. This ex-trucker is a recurring character, then? Very absorbing poem.
Everything you do is just so good it amazes me! I especially liked the line "her stillness troubled him to no end". I can sense another poem just through that one line...
Hi Gautami,
"he watched her image vanish within the coffee
even though her reality was palpable beside him"
Great words those!
oh the things that go through our minds during that first cup!
sounds mysterious, like a fantasy or a fleeting thought
I like the way you capture a very simple scene that's filled with such emotion. Great images.
Emotionally captivating!
I like how the poem's tone and size fit its subject, fleeting and meditative.
A beautiful snapshot of a small moment which stretches out in both directions. Well done.
Loved this! I almost felt like I was in that shop, drinking that coffee! Well done!
No happy end at the truck stop. But a piece of writing which could be the beginning of a novel.
Best wishes
Ralf
This poem is so real. It's how my brain works when I am surmising a situation.... I like the way you expressed the concern and the worry. I also like the way you talked about whether it was worth the aggrevation. A concise, accurate reflection of life. Thanks for sharing and visiting me.=D
Wonderful imagery.
u paint quite a picture with ur images! :)
A simple scene, a short piece that reveals so much. I also like the image disappearing in the coffee. Well done.
The last two lines draw everything together powerfully. They weren't what I expected but after reading them I couldn't imagine the poem ending any other way.
Lol, you could make it a laundry poem to match the prompt if he's folding her laundry while he thinks this..
Well done. I really like the final couplet.
Great imagery full of strong emotions. Excellent writing with a superb ending Guatami.
Good one gautami.
My fav lines being:
"abandon her, he just couldn't"
Something so must, but so impossible.
Be my enemy
Ram's Reality:Is this what we need to answer
~Harsha
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