I put on the absurd flip-flip
I am having to do this
there is a ladder.
hanging obscenely
I go down-.
the oxygen immerses me
my flip-flops cripple me,
I crawl like an insect
I am blacking out and yet
I have to learn alone
to turn my body without force
in the deep element.
the thing I came for:
the ribs of the accident
curving their assertion
among the loyal hunters.
this is the place.
and I am here,
amongst the half-destroyed instruments
that once held to a course
the water-eaten log
the fouled compass
speak of a love
which is now gone forever
17 comments:
Not senseless, but sing-song. I like the way this flows.
Crash
Melancholy but handled perfectly.
It's so sad. Poignant.
Gloomy images stir. Deeply moving.
Not senseless at all.
I feel directionless, compassless, rudderless with my crippling flip flops and with my love gone forever.
I like the way that you rely solely on connotations, eschewing denotations.
Your technique provides a murkiness to the actions in the poem, but feelings and ideas slip out, coiling and unwinding in the darkness, like thin streams of oil from a ruptured drum, colliding and elliding, then thinning out as my fingers skim through them, searching for meaning and, maybe for purpose, and gaining some, too.
ooh!
A second visit, via the train!
And I still like what I hear 'twixt my ears.
Tschuess,
Chris
'I am blacking out and yet
I have to learn alone'
Feels like my mid-NaNo despair...
It is like abandoning oneself to a surreal adventure. The third stanza, I like that image –or better the images I can image reading it. thanks. Ana
Kicking and screaming into the deep blue. Well written, as always.
Speaking of love, which is now gone forever. That said a lot
I like the quiet sense of exploration here, the sense of timelessness and metaphor.
Certainly not senseless! Perhaps the beginning struggled a bit, but then, so did the diver! :) Like someone else pointed out, perhaps your style unknowingly mirrored what you were writing about? :)
As always, you paint very affecting images. Very nice.
Very sad imagery. But it's very beautifully sad. :)
felt the feeling and in flipflops underneath the waters... cannot help but to think of the titanic...the pictures from so long ago
Another one that makes me drown..and appeals to me, simultaneously...who are you...x
Very nicely put Tami. I love the way it flows like a river.
love,Melanie
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