Sunday, November 22, 2009

ode to remnants of love

sitting well after midnight
I call you on the telephone
trying to save you from yourself

you are sick and do not answer
the waste of my love hits me hard
I have always wondered about the remnants

in that vacuumed state
my heart aches,
and a drousy numbness pains my senses

I watch the red coals, burning,
flashing and dying-
sitting well after midnight


"My heart aches, and a drousy numbness pains my senses" is the opening line of John Keats ‘Ode to a Nightingale’


Harvee said...

I like this one. Reminds me of trying to reach a son in another state, at times when I've been in "a state" of worry :)

Cynthia Short said...

I admire your ability to write about all the different nuances of personal relationships...always managing to find something poignant to say.

George S Batty said...

the heart break of waiting, hoping
and not knowing what comes next certainly leads to a pained heart.
Old Grizz

Lorraine said...

You are so talended Gataumi... a poet/writer/philosopher

sage said...

I see myself sitting by the fireplace, phone lying on the floor... Nicely done.

Beth P. said...

ah, the dregs...

Vita Stunder said...

I loved this one!
You create a wonderful mood in your poetry - be proud of that :)

illyria taylor said...

superb as usual.

Anonymous said...

yes, you are excellent again as always.

Gilson said...

Hi Gautami! Beautiful writing.

Sepiru Chris said...

Hi Gautami,

Whenever I am in Delhi next, cruising for books in those great bookstores, I would love to meet you for tea. Or a lassi.

You write very well.

I love the gentle repetition, of the opening/closing lines. And that you spun the poem out of Keats, but with vastly different intent and positioning? Well, that is certainly fun in my books.


Anonymous said...

Good one Gautami...the red charcoals burning accentuated the despair even more.

Cassiopeia Rises said...

Tami, I just love the flow of your words and the so sad image you paint.

love, Melanie

Jane Doe said...

Absolutely wonderful. It is full of emotion, powerful and raw. Very well done.

Bone said...

"the waste of my love" and "a vacuumed state"

Those are great lines.

Jeeves said...

Vaccumed state and heart aches. Wonderful words etched here

Anonymous said...

There is a starkness about the imagery you use in this poem which is really effective in conveying a sense of hopelessness. This is one of your best.