Wednesday, February 20, 2008

digging into fruit punch



his white t-shirt splattered with mud
grass staining it green,
he kept digging hard soil
sweat streaked down his body
doggedly he went on
smoothening the wide trench
he paused, admiring his handiwork-
took a swig from his fruit punch.

dragging the bag from the boot of his car
he buried it deep, marking it
with imaginary trees

for future reference, just in case.
no way he would come back for his dead wife
he had not killed her to get back to her.
he walked to his car, stopped. looking back
took another swig from his fruit punch.

possessed by some demons, he drove away
fast. with cool deliberation he went over the cliff
his car caught fire before blowing up.
who can unravel what were his last thoughts?

30 comments:

Corina said...

The line about the "cool deliberation" is very intriguing.

Nicely done.

Truefaith1963 said...

I am intrigued by the story and amazed by the speed of posting!
I want to know more...

watermaid said...

How do you do it? This story has everything.

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

Very macabre and has a nice pace. The heat adds to the drama, the fire inside and in the car.

Rose

xo

Brian said...

Very good, I like the dark side of human affairs.

Judy Thomas said...

Wow... what a great use of the words. Well done.

Steve said...

Pass the punch!

gautami said...

Justin, I was going to leave it at the burying. Somehow the last stanza came into my out of nowhere.

Thanks Corina, watermaid, Rose, Brian, Judy and Steve.

Isn't life dark?

:D

paisley said...

no way he would come back for his dead wife
he had not killed her to get back to her.

i loved this play on words...

nice to see you on the dark side guatami......

Christine said...

A horrific end for both man and woman. It's scary to get into the mind of a homicidal person.

Remiman said...

gautami,
What, pray tell, was in the fruit punch?
Well done girl, excellent in fact!
rel

amarettogirl said...

I really enjoyed this, what a wonderful job! I think creating believable yet, disagreeable characters with grit and grime between their fingernails is very difficult. I will be back to reaad more. Thanks!

tumblewords said...

Whew! What a wild short tale! What in the world was in the punch? Nice job!

Norma said...

What a surprise--I was expecting a gritty gardener planting a tree and it was a body! Riveting. And so brief. Yet you do get the whole story and we're left to imagine the relationship that went so bad.

Linda Jacobs said...

I have to say this is one of your best! The scene is so well drawn and the pace is perfect!

myrtle beached whale said...

another visit to your dark side. why am I comforted that there is no longer a land bridge between us?

Laane said...

That was catching.
And the end so unexpected.
Great!

Gay said...

Eerie and definitely reaching into the dark side. Lots of the stuff hitting the news lately, and so very sad.

--Gay

Heather Kathleen said...

can you please write something crappy just one time? when is the next chapter to this post up?? fantastic!!!!!!

pia said...

e had not killed her to get back to her.
That's amazing

WriterKat said...

That's great. Cold with a perfect ending.

lissa said...

kind of scary. I wonder what he's thinking as well.

TC said...

Wow.

I really did not expect the turn this took. I had no idea you were going to have kill his wife... let alone himself at the end!

I really liked what you did with punch.

LittleWing said...

excellent post full of passion... love ain't free... and killin ain't cheap... some days life just isn't worth livin...

Michelle Johnson said...

You captured the insanity of this man's action's so well. Good to see his crime didn't go unpunished. Have a nice night.

Jane Doe said...

Oh, I really, really like that one! Very creative and well-written!

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

I was picturing my husband in the garden, he loves it so, but I stopped that comparison quickly!!

I know you like to read the dark; you write it beautifully... This is just perfect. It is real.

ThomG said...

Looks like we both explored the dark side this week. Very nicely done.

pjd said...

cold. very cold. well written. I didn't expect the outcome from the first stanza.

Bone said...

Wow, I had no idea where this one was going, either. I was thinking of a kid digging and playing in the dirt at first.

marking it with imaginary trees

Really liked that line. And interesting question at the end.