his white t-shirt splattered with mud
grass staining it green,
he kept digging hard soil
sweat streaked down his body
doggedly he went on
smoothening the wide trench
he paused, admiring his handiwork-
took a swig from his fruit punch.
dragging the bag from the boot of his car
he buried it deep, marking it
with imaginary trees
for future reference, just in case.
no way he would come back for his dead wife
he had not killed her to get back to her.
he walked to his car, stopped. looking back
took another swig from his fruit punch.
possessed by some demons, he drove away
fast. with cool deliberation he went over the cliff
his car caught fire before blowing up.
who can unravel what were his last thoughts?
30 comments:
The line about the "cool deliberation" is very intriguing.
Nicely done.
I am intrigued by the story and amazed by the speed of posting!
I want to know more...
How do you do it? This story has everything.
Very macabre and has a nice pace. The heat adds to the drama, the fire inside and in the car.
Rose
xo
Very good, I like the dark side of human affairs.
Wow... what a great use of the words. Well done.
Pass the punch!
Justin, I was going to leave it at the burying. Somehow the last stanza came into my out of nowhere.
Thanks Corina, watermaid, Rose, Brian, Judy and Steve.
Isn't life dark?
:D
no way he would come back for his dead wife
he had not killed her to get back to her.
i loved this play on words...
nice to see you on the dark side guatami......
A horrific end for both man and woman. It's scary to get into the mind of a homicidal person.
gautami,
What, pray tell, was in the fruit punch?
Well done girl, excellent in fact!
rel
I really enjoyed this, what a wonderful job! I think creating believable yet, disagreeable characters with grit and grime between their fingernails is very difficult. I will be back to reaad more. Thanks!
Whew! What a wild short tale! What in the world was in the punch? Nice job!
What a surprise--I was expecting a gritty gardener planting a tree and it was a body! Riveting. And so brief. Yet you do get the whole story and we're left to imagine the relationship that went so bad.
I have to say this is one of your best! The scene is so well drawn and the pace is perfect!
another visit to your dark side. why am I comforted that there is no longer a land bridge between us?
That was catching.
And the end so unexpected.
Great!
Eerie and definitely reaching into the dark side. Lots of the stuff hitting the news lately, and so very sad.
--Gay
can you please write something crappy just one time? when is the next chapter to this post up?? fantastic!!!!!!
e had not killed her to get back to her.
That's amazing
That's great. Cold with a perfect ending.
kind of scary. I wonder what he's thinking as well.
Wow.
I really did not expect the turn this took. I had no idea you were going to have kill his wife... let alone himself at the end!
I really liked what you did with punch.
excellent post full of passion... love ain't free... and killin ain't cheap... some days life just isn't worth livin...
You captured the insanity of this man's action's so well. Good to see his crime didn't go unpunished. Have a nice night.
Oh, I really, really like that one! Very creative and well-written!
I was picturing my husband in the garden, he loves it so, but I stopped that comparison quickly!!
I know you like to read the dark; you write it beautifully... This is just perfect. It is real.
Looks like we both explored the dark side this week. Very nicely done.
cold. very cold. well written. I didn't expect the outcome from the first stanza.
Wow, I had no idea where this one was going, either. I was thinking of a kid digging and playing in the dirt at first.
marking it with imaginary trees
Really liked that line. And interesting question at the end.
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