Sunday, March 02, 2008

convolution----terzanelle

I attempted another terzanelle (my third one), which is a combination of villanelle and terza rima. I have not, strictly followed the repeat lines. I have changed the wordings at a few places, however, sticking with the rhyming. I was writing something else and it ran away to another direction. I did not have the inclination to change it. As I find it a bit confusing myself, I could not find a good title for it. Do feel free to suggest one. After writing this, I thought it is better that I stick with free verse.

*Update: I title it "Convolutions". Thanks Sister AE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
feelings shimmer to surface, making it recede
like liquid leaving a thin layer on surface of glass

isn’t it how thoughts bubble, finally concede

after much soul searching, into such a class
of their own making. if only it was as easy

as liquid leaving a thin layer on surface of glass


which can be cleaned easily- not going crazy
inside the mind, where thoughts circle in a maze
of their own making. if only it was as easy


as pottering in the gardens, planting herb-sage

amongst others. flowers can ever be so soothing

to the mind’s eye where thoughts circle in a maze-

crinkling at the edges, however, smoothening
with time. adaptability is but strength of character

along with others. numbness too is so soothing

sucking the mind empty. feelings as factors
still shimmer to surface, making it slowly recede

with time. adaptability is strength of character

shouldn’t we accept that, and get our minds freed?

~~~~~~~~
Come ride the Poetry Train...


22 comments:

sister AE said...

May I suggest "Labyrinth" as a title? Or "Convolution"?

Whatever you call it, it may be disorienting, but somehow it holds together nonetheless.

sage said...

Nice, I need to go pull Mary Oliver's handbook off the shelf as a reminder of style! Good for you for experiementing.

Julia Smith said...

Don't give up on the terzanelles, Gautami. This one retains its logic even as it ambles through its labyrinth.

I like:
'as pottering in the gardens, planting herb-sage
amongst others. flowers can ever be so soothing
to the mind’s eye where thoughts circle in a maze-'

Jill said...

I really like that fact that it touch the fact that our mind changes with time and that we becomes more able to adapt ourself to the situation of our everyday life!

noahthegreat said...

Wow, this is a mind bender!

chicklegirl said...

I really related to the flow of this; my mind moves a lot like this, where thoughts circle, brush up against eachother, rearrange, and something comes out of it all that is (to me at least) beautiful and intuitive.

So what I'm saying is, this made sense to me! (and I loved it!)

Keshi said...

lovely! So very clever too.

Keshi.

artpredator said...

yay for free verse...but you do well with forms!

labryinth i thought was an interesting title suggestion for this works circuitousness

floots said...

well done
this holds together so well
and i love the idea of feelings which "shimmer to the surface"
(our minds must be in tune - just finished a villanelle - not done one for ages) :)

sister AE said...

you are quite welcome!

Pat Paulk said...

Gautami I know these feelings/thoughts if I don't know the style. Very good!!

lissa said...

I like your free verse, it sounds intriguing even if doesn't quite come together. still quite an interesting read.

Christine said...

The lines shift and change like sand on a beach. I love words like "shimmer, suface, sage, soothing, recede...," the alliteration of sibilants mimics the shimmering thoughts.

I hope you keep writing these. I've never tried one myself. It looks more complicated than the pantoum, a form I just discovered from the prompt.

anthonynorth said...

This one was very deep, but illuminating.

pepektheassassin said...

Wow. Good job, lady! I agree with julia, too. Very nice.

Linda Jacobs said...

"adaptability is strength of character"

I love this! It says so much! You did such a good job! Yes, it rhymes, but your rhymes are fresh and different!

Rethabile said...

Wow, that must have been hard to write! You're brave, and good for us that you are.

paisley said...

wow.. that looks really hard.. i have to check it out and see if i can write on... you did a great job as always.. you do so well with form.....

Don Iannone said...

Within chaos theory there must be an explanation for this. I commend you, Gautami, for your willingness to branch out and try new styles and formats. Brave woman!

Just Jen said...

I know nothing of poetry...hehe...it seemed like a prose/poem to me? Your vocabulary always amazes me anyhow!

polona said...

well done! i admire everyone who undertakes these structured forms and makes them work.

Michelle Johnson said...

If it weren't for the mind's ability to adapt I think I wouldn't make it through some of those harder times that hit. This is a nice reminder of those times we need to adapt and move on. Well done. Have a nice day.