Ride the Monday Poetry train too...
after three days of being in coma, his soul left his earthly body
pain, what is it?
what of it?
very difficult to explain when you are in a numbed state
a living breathing person becomes just a body
in split of a second
beyond anyone's control
got him home for his final journey
to the abode wherever the soul escapes
via crematory fire
preparing myself to accompany him to the cremation grounds
then I overheard,"we can't take her. females do not go to the crematorium."
my mom endorsed
that was the end of it
I stayed home while he was consigned to flames
my last glimpse of him
he wrapped in a white shroud
can I ever escape it?
do I want to?
I don't know
all I know is my dad deserves the best
even in my memories
Hindu females are not allowed to go to cremation grounds...
18 comments:
Ugh, that's very sad.
So sad, and so poignant.
I love your work.
sad...
Well you know I empathise with your loss. I'm sorry you weren't allowed to be there, but in your heart you were. Hugs, J
poignant
very intimate piece...
This is so full of pain. I want to say how can tradition cause that much pain, but not all traditions do. Some bring comfort. I guess there is sometimes a fine line between the two.
Yes, a very intimate poem, Gautami, and wonderful because of it. I like these lines best:
'pain, what is it?
what of it?
very difficult explain it when you are in a numbed state
a living breathing person becomes just a body
in split of a second'
a living breathing person becomes just a body
in split of a second'
I understand exactly what you're talking about.
Beautiful and yes, sad.
Your dad DOES deserve the best, you're right. What a weird world we live in, huh? At some point, women will no longer be discriminated against; don't give up the hope nor the work you're doing to help make that happen, G.
Do it for your dad, and for the other girls who follow, who want to be there at the very bitterest end.
Hugs from me (and the band. sort of; they'd rather sing about death than face it.)
A sublime poem, gatami, both in regards to subject, the echoes of conversation, and the flow of the words.
Even in the US, a country of supposedly "liberated" women, there exist double standards. As a female, I used to wonder why, even though I was happy not to be a boy.
Great poem.
gautami, I spelled your name wrong. Typing too quickly Sorry!
very sad
You honor your dad by writng about him! This is beautiful!
beautifully written but oh so sad...
My profound condolences, Gautami.
The poem:
I enjoy the expanding narrative, that we journey with you through this event, too, that the narrative evolves and circles from the outside world to your inner world. What would think of dropping the word "he" as I did in the quote below? Drop "he wrapped", just begin that line with "wrapped"...
"my last glimpse of him
wrapped in a white shroud
can I ever escape it?
do I want to?
I don't know"
For me, and this is just an opinion, that creates a simple, powerful image, a dramatic image of your internal encounter. It's a thought.
Thanks,
Frank
the "overheard" prompt is so personal here, you went deep.
so many assume that the speaker is you, gautami, and if so i feel for your loss--april is a month of loss for me.
but if you aren;t the speaker, you were quite good at making it seem so!
i also liked frannks comments and could see what he meant
finally, thanks for always commenting on my work! i appreciate it! and i appreciate how active you are in these on-line communities!
What a beautiful and heartfelt poem, Gautami... it is lovely to read your words again, even such sad ones.
I missed all my dear poet friends from PT... but I am happy to have found, RWP!
:)
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