Monday, March 31, 2008

last journey-----Read Write Poem/Monday Poetry Train

Ride the Monday Poetry train too...

after three days of being in coma, his soul left his earthly body

pain, what is it?

what of it?

very difficult to explain when you are in a numbed state

a living breathing person becomes just a body

in split of a second

beyond anyone's control

got him home for his final journey

to the abode wherever the soul escapes

via crematory fire

preparing myself to accompany him to the cremation grounds

then I overheard,"we can't take her. females do not go to the crematorium."

my mom endorsed

that was the end of it

I stayed home while he was consigned to flames

my last glimpse of him

he wrapped in a white shroud

can I ever escape it?

do I want to?

I don't know

all I know is my dad deserves the best

even in my memories

Hindu females are not allowed to go to cremation grounds...


Noah the Great said...

Ugh, that's very sad.

Anonymous said...

So sad, and so poignant.

I love your work.

KBDGR8EST said...


Anonymous said...

Well you know I empathise with your loss. I'm sorry you weren't allowed to be there, but in your heart you were. Hugs, J

magiceye said...


paisley said...

very intimate piece...

Anonymous said...

This is so full of pain. I want to say how can tradition cause that much pain, but not all traditions do. Some bring comfort. I guess there is sometimes a fine line between the two.

Julia Phillips Smith said...

Yes, a very intimate poem, Gautami, and wonderful because of it. I like these lines best:

'pain, what is it?
what of it?
very difficult explain it when you are in a numbed state
a living breathing person becomes just a body
in split of a second'

R.G. ALEXANDER said...

a living breathing person becomes just a body
in split of a second'

I understand exactly what you're talking about.
Beautiful and yes, sad.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Your dad DOES deserve the best, you're right. What a weird world we live in, huh? At some point, women will no longer be discriminated against; don't give up the hope nor the work you're doing to help make that happen, G.

Do it for your dad, and for the other girls who follow, who want to be there at the very bitterest end.

Hugs from me (and the band. sort of; they'd rather sing about death than face it.)

Anonymous said...

A sublime poem, gatami, both in regards to subject, the echoes of conversation, and the flow of the words.

Even in the US, a country of supposedly "liberated" women, there exist double standards. As a female, I used to wonder why, even though I was happy not to be a boy.

Great poem.

Anonymous said...

gautami, I spelled your name wrong. Typing too quickly Sorry!

Crafty Green Poet said...

very sad

Linda Jacobs said...

You honor your dad by writng about him! This is beautiful!

Ann said...

beautiful poem.

polona said...

beautifully written but oh so sad...

Frank Parker said...

My profound condolences, Gautami.
The poem:
I enjoy the expanding narrative, that we journey with you through this event, too, that the narrative evolves and circles from the outside world to your inner world. What would think of dropping the word "he" as I did in the quote below? Drop "he wrapped", just begin that line with "wrapped"...

"my last glimpse of him
wrapped in a white shroud
can I ever escape it?
do I want to?
I don't know"

For me, and this is just an opinion, that creates a simple, powerful image, a dramatic image of your internal encounter. It's a thought.


Anonymous said...

the "overheard" prompt is so personal here, you went deep.

so many assume that the speaker is you, gautami, and if so i feel for your loss--april is a month of loss for me.

but if you aren;t the speaker, you were quite good at making it seem so!

i also liked frannks comments and could see what he meant

finally, thanks for always commenting on my work! i appreciate it! and i appreciate how active you are in these on-line communities!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful and heartfelt poem, Gautami... it is lovely to read your words again, even such sad ones.
I missed all my dear poet friends from PT... but I am happy to have found, RWP!