Wednesday, April 13, 2011

draining

such a waste-
concrete emotions
ended, as
evident
from the past, as a result of
tragic illusion

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shadorma:
line one has three syllable
line two has five syllables
line three has three syllables
line four has three syllables
line five has seven syllables
line six has five syllables

20 comments:

Fear Not the Darkness but What lies Within said...

Sheilagh lee said wonderfully inventive love the line tragic illuion.

Stan Ski said...

I guess the result of tragic illusion is nothing to the wrath of a woman scorned...

Ramesh Sood said...

One realises that illusion is tragic only after reality expresses itself..and often years pass through..

Thanks Gautami for visiting my page.. it is emboldening,,

LKHarris-Kolp said...

Love your shardoma!

~laurie

The Mommy Chronicles said...

Beautiful

Ren said...

I love how you can put so much into so few words. It's wonderful.

anthonynorth said...

Ah, illusion is often tragic, isn't it?

Elaine said...

This is a wonderful Shadorma poem. I've seen a few this week and tried my own today too.
Very very well written.

Linda Jacobs said...

Sad, so sad! I've never seen this form before but I like it!

horse and moon said...

i can relate !!!
I love this poem

Andy Sewina said...

You got the three little words in nicely!

<3

WarmSunshine said...

Lovely lines dear... sad but so intense! Thanks for visiting my space.

Hey, do come by blog today (Thursday)… I’m having a meet up party that’s intended to boost us bloggers’ networking. I hope to see you there…

It’s @ http://the-perfect-line.blogspot.com/2011/04/gear-up-people-its-friends-meetup-party.html

Consider this a formal invitation :)

oldegg said...

Sad unrequited love is always a poignant read. This is a really beautiful piece.

whenwordsescape said...

Well done...I will agree with others by saying I, too, liked how you used the three words...and in such a compact piece. Yay for you!!! :)

Lisa said...

Very well written pieces.

thanks for stopping by my blog as well.

Lisa
InspiredbyLisa

Jannie Funster said...

Ah, I get now what a a shadorma poem is, the amounts of syllables. It has a really natural flow.

I once had concrete emotions, a passing thing in my early 20s, everthing felt "flattened" for a while, if you get what I mean. But by mid-20s all was smooth sailing, and has remained so -- must've been finding true love at last.

xoxo

Old Altonian said...

Nice poem. Bear up and try again, it might come better next time.

Just someone said...

Interesting form - shadorma;

'Tragic illusion' - liked that one - hv to agree with the others earlier

jaerose said...

There are so many ways for a soul to be drained..Jae

Jingle said...

this is creative.

love the last part.