my tresses
a silken cover-
you like it.
caressing
me with careful strokes-
you cherish my skin too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
words form here
I put a semblance
only for you
you sleep in
letting yourself free in your dreams
while I search for more
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a Shadorma (26 syllables):line one has three syllable
line two has five syllables
line three has three syllables
line four has three syllables
line five has seven syllables
line six has five syllables
25 comments:
Thanks for covering this new form. It was quite nice! :)
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/in-search-of-jasmine/
Wonderful Shadorma I did my first yesterday lots of fun with this new form!
nice i like the sensual nature of the first...and i hope you find those dreams in the second...
Gautami....
I wrote one too!
But YOURS is definately more upbeat than mine...hehehehe
great job
I like this !!
And interesting form :)
I really like the first three lines of the second stanza; it speaks to the relationship between the poet and the reader. I, too, am seeing the potential in the Shadorma. Thanks.
love the sense imagery in the first, and the searching for more in the second. I've tried the Shadorma, now want to go back and try it again. Thanks,
Elizabeth
Sumptuous Shadoma...♥ ஆεlεɳa
I like, in the second: you sleep in, letting yourself free in your dreams. One of those lines where sound and sense ease one another along.
What a lovely write. My favorite line is "you sleep in, letting yourself free in dreams". In dreams, especially in mine, anything & everything is possible.
Thanks for being brave enough to comment on my latest poem:)
Ooh!
Yes, I do like silky tresses!
Delightful One Shot, Gautami!
Beautiful prose!!
This is a very interesting form. Loved your lines.
I like the dreamy atmosphere Gautami. Congratulations on the shadorma; you've peaked my interest in trying it.
I like these. I think with an unusual form like this things can easily come out meaningless, but I like yours :)
very lovely :)
I really like this. And, I like the form. I'm a fan of the syllable form of poetry. I was doing haikus, but I read so many negative posts about haikus that I stopped. Mind you, all were VERY encouraging and positive about mine, but it scared me. Thanks so much for your words.
Very nice job on a form I've never tried. Hmmmmm. :)
I really love the way the two shadormas work together to create a tenderly intimate picture.
Both of these are beautiful, and you use the shadorma form well. I'm more expansive, and I have trouble containing so much in so little of a space.
I especially like the juxtaposition between the sleeper finding his dreams and you finding yours in the words, awake, in the second poem.
Lovely.
-Nicole
Love this shadorma Gautami...it is both sensual and magical....:-)
I put a semblance
only for you
this, my favorite part... thank you for your poem, friend.
love letting yourself free in your dreams....
xo
Very neat & lovely. I'd never heard of a Shadorma before. Thanks for sharing with us!
The musical sound of your name is beautiful in itself...and GOD has gifted you with a poetic soul...utterly lovely
Post a Comment