Tuesday, April 12, 2011

finding dreams for you


my tresses
a silken cover- 
you like it.
caressing
me with careful strokes-
you cherish my skin too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

words form here
I put a semblance
only for you
you sleep in
letting yourself free in your dreams
while I search for more

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a Shadorma (26 syllables):

line one has three syllable
line two has five syllables
line three has three syllables
line four has three syllables
line five has seven syllables
line six has five syllables

26 comments:

lynnaima said...

Thanks for covering this new form. It was quite nice! :)
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/in-search-of-jasmine/

Amanda Moore said...

Wonderful Shadorma I did my first yesterday lots of fun with this new form!

Brian Miller said...

nice i like the sensual nature of the first...and i hope you find those dreams in the second...

G-Man said...

Gautami....
I wrote one too!
But YOURS is definately more upbeat than mine...hehehehe
great job

ladynimue said...

I like this !!
And interesting form :)

Mr. Walker said...

I really like the first three lines of the second stanza; it speaks to the relationship between the poet and the reader. I, too, am seeing the potential in the Shadorma. Thanks.

Elizabeth said...

love the sense imagery in the first, and the searching for more in the second. I've tried the Shadorma, now want to go back and try it again. Thanks,

Elizabeth

Helena said...

Sumptuous Shadoma...♥ ஆεlεɳa

barbara said...

I like, in the second: you sleep in, letting yourself free in your dreams. One of those lines where sound and sense ease one another along.

Andy said...

What a lovely write. My favorite line is "you sleep in, letting yourself free in dreams". In dreams, especially in mine, anything & everything is possible.

Thanks for being brave enough to comment on my latest poem:)

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Ooh!
Yes, I do like silky tresses!

Delightful One Shot, Gautami!

Rambling Heather said...

Beautiful prose!!

Jen said...

This is a very interesting form. Loved your lines.

Ann Grenier said...

I like the dreamy atmosphere Gautami. Congratulations on the shadorma; you've peaked my interest in trying it.

Kati patrianoceu said...

I like these. I think with an unusual form like this things can easily come out meaningless, but I like yours :)

lori said...

very lovely :)

happygirl said...

I really like this. And, I like the form. I'm a fan of the syllable form of poetry. I was doing haikus, but I read so many negative posts about haikus that I stopped. Mind you, all were VERY encouraging and positive about mine, but it scared me. Thanks so much for your words.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Very nice job on a form I've never tried. Hmmmmm. :)

LauraX said...

beautiful!

Joybird said...

I really love the way the two shadormas work together to create a tenderly intimate picture.

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

Both of these are beautiful, and you use the shadorma form well. I'm more expansive, and I have trouble containing so much in so little of a space.

I especially like the juxtaposition between the sleeper finding his dreams and you finding yours in the words, awake, in the second poem.

Lovely.

-Nicole

Carrie Burtt said...

Love this shadorma Gautami...it is both sensual and magical....:-)

emily wierenga said...

I put a semblance
only for you

this, my favorite part... thank you for your poem, friend.

Tiffini said...

love letting yourself free in your dreams....
xo

Loni said...

Very neat & lovely. I'd never heard of a Shadorma before. Thanks for sharing with us!

Connie@raise your eyes said...

The musical sound of your name is beautiful in itself...and GOD has gifted you with a poetic soul...utterly lovely