Thursday, September 23, 2010

Haibun: seedy deeds

A breathe I felt on my neck. A storm within my ear. It roared and slipped into nothing. I chased it to the moon. An invisible shadow. An antithesis of wasteland. I couldn't see it. But feel it, I did. What of it? The purple sky merged into orange and buttons of diamonds danced with glee.

Where had I come? And from where? From the inside of a book, I flew into it, that creature, which can't be scene. A friend, a foe? Flashes of light bursts all over the place. An acrid smell tastes so salty. My tongue burns it out. I turn towards that shadow, just barely visible. A giant bee stings me. I cry out. Chanting curses, I kill it with my voice. And find a golden winged fairy dead at my feet. Weighty issues to tackle now, I burn at the stakes.

seed pearls fall over
ground paves it into you
sky watches with detach

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I don't know if I succeeded in writing a Haibun. But I am glad I tried, thanks to Big Tent Poetry.

24 comments:

Storm Dweller said...

I have to say I love the use of homonyms in this one. Very nicely done to spin a dual meaning.

ladynimue said...

poetic to the core !! and what a feel to the post :)

Mary said...

I enjoyed the journey your haibun took me on and imagining the giant bee that was a golden winged fairy.

Linda Jacobs said...

The purple sky merged into orange and buttons of diamonds danced with glee

I love this line! Lots of other great images in here, too!

Rallentanda said...

I was stung by a fat bee once. Took
ages to pay off the court costs.
Mine didn't drop dead and turn into a fairy. It turmed out to be indestructible and gets bigger every time it delivers a sting.I prefer your bee.

caroleesherwood said...

i love the feeling the haiku adds to this! it has power not just b/c it breaks into the prose but b/c of "watches with detach" after we've just been alongside an intense scene.

flaubert said...

Gautami
A delightful journey.
Pamela

Derrick said...

It's true that a book can transport us to a different world!

Systematic Weasel said...

Excellent write up! =)

-Weasel

Diane T said...

I feel like you wrote an astounding haibun. Loved it!

barbara said...

"Chanting curses, I kill it with my voice". There is something you could spend some time playing with. Each word can be inspected. What would the meaning be if this were changed?

Paul Andrew Russell said...

Nice!

Ralf Bröker said...

Not a haibun, but good prose and an an interesting verse. In my eyes.

Best wishes
Ralf

Elizabeth said...

I think our poems are the means by which we 'kill' with our voices, or at least do battle with the fears that often hound us. This prompt, for me at this point in time, was a bit like walking the plank and hoping to get swallowed, lol. But, I did eventually manage it. So did you! From one coward to another...Congratulations.

Elizabeth

nan said...

this is one of my favorites this week. I love the journey and I LOVE the haiku. "Sky watches with detach" -- very nice.

pwf said...

This is dense with images, the fun is picking favorites. Mine is the buttons of diamonds.

christopher said...

Very dreamy. It asks to be expanded and then made into a fantasy cartoon. The colors need to be cartoon colors.

Jeeves said...

You have a way with words!!!Lovely

Pam said...

I really this this poem. I agree with storm dweller that your use of homonyms was great.

sage said...

I felt like I was floating along with you as I read the poem

Wayne Pitchko said...

you did a nice job on this Gautami....you haves such a wonderful way with words....its always good.....thanks for sharing..take care

Cara Holman said...

Such vivid images-- well done!

Tumblewords: said...

Vibrant imagery - love it!

quid said...

I loved your Big Tent entry.... I was unable to make the prompt work for me. Yours was very imaginative.

quid