a whispers in its ear
trapped in that net
it tries to wriggle free
siblings lie low giving in to fate
awaiting impending death
tang of salty water
still on its lips
the world of water receded so fast
into the air
onto the ground
that net pounds
jump, jump
a whisper in its ear
with all the might it breaks free
again into that bottomless see
joie de vivre never afar
siblings too follow the lead
our fisherman is left high and dry
his dreams of chips and fish fry
have gone all awry
25 comments:
Leave it fallow for a week, and you'll be surprised - either you'll love it to bits, or corrective action will present itself to you.
Ah, fish and chips. I'm hungry now. nice one.
I loved this and I'm glad the little fishes got away!
Hurrah for the fish that got away. Cheering for the 'little guy' here.
I agree with Viv.
A fish that frees itself is to be celebrated. My poem has that aspect in it also!!
Viv, thanks. I took down what I wrote there on my post.
Let the reader decide, what he/she thinks of this poem.
Nice, and I now want fish for dinner!
I am glad it got away! :-)
Nicely written! So much talk of fish is actually making me a bit hungry, LOL! Awesome post! =)
-Weasel
I too, like the fact that the little one got away. But, I also agree with Viv, let it sit for a week, then go back and take another look. I do that often, sometimes find a line or two, sometimes only needs a tweak in a certain direction. And sometimes I just decide that maybe it needs to hibernate for a bit longer. Good luck, whatever you decide.
Elizabeth
Nice Gautami!
Pamela
I can imagine the siblings singing and dancing and laughing and the fish having real joy of living.. yes that's what freedom does.. A lovely write.. Gautami..
http://rameshsood.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-100th-post-of-2010-for-osi-hh.html
It was lovely they escaped but I really was expecting a meal somewhere in there!
It is, though, a reminder that the elation of freedom is not limited to us. Reading Northanger Abbey yesterday I was reminded that "the poor beetle, which we tread upon, in corporal sufferance feels a pang as great as when a giant dies." It has much the same sentiments as your poem.
Even though I'm the wife of a fisherman, I'm secretly cheering for the little guy!
I've had major writer's block so haven't been around but I love the new look of your blog!
Isn't it amazing how we can all look at the same painting and be inspired to go in so many different directions with our poems! Well done!
Escape from jaws of death can bring real joie de vivre! Well written.
I think I know what you mean, but there are some really good bits in here. I really like the jump, jump stanza and the whole idea of the fish siblings.
new look is awesome !! and i love your story form poetry :)
I always tend to root for the underdog, so I'm glad the little fish escaped! Very clever poem.
http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/2010/09/poetry-potluck-bedazzled.html
potluck is open, if you have old poems to share, link in NOW,
you will benefit the best if you act and get in early.
Thanks for the participation!
Happy Sunday!
So in the end the fish wins freedom I loved the ending it was nice to see the world through the yeys of the fish that got away!
they also can enjoy life!
I like fish 'n' chips a whole lot.
But I suppose I should be glad this one got away.
It is a cute little poem. I love your idea.
..
Nicely done- I am so glad he got away! This was really cute~
i like the sense of freedom u r writing with...
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