Tuesday, September 28, 2010

the middle makes it

spurting juice 
I catch it in my mouth
an apple
reminds me of you-
the days we shared

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I talk into it
gibberish, incoherent
my mobile phone
gives me an earful
like the way you did

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it wobbles
like an old man
this chair
I have had for years-
a landmark

`````````````````````````````````````````````
I brush it
a tapestry forms on it
that wall
a witness to my joys
smudges speak of sorrows

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I massage it
with gentle strokes
olive oil
on your skin
smooth as mine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From AppleHouse Poetry Workshop

... of 5 lines where the middle line acts as a pivot, i.e. it can be read in conjunction with the first two lines, or it can be read as the line that leads into the final two.

25 comments:

Amanda said...

I loved the creative combination of this...thanks so much for linking with Potluck, your support means so much!! xx

Brian Miller said...

nice. i like the form...and i was not familiar with it though you play it well...i like the first one..the apple being a lover...nice one shot!

One Stop - The Place For Poets, Writers & Artists said...

so clever and nicely done
each a treat

Thanks for sharing with One Shot


moon smiles

Maureen said...

You've used the form very well!

Jingle said...

beautiful work.

gospelwriter said...

very nice - I think I like the second one best, for some reason it tugs at my heartstrings

anthonynorth said...

Very different. Great words.

Gabriela Abalo said...

Very original, I love your creativity.

loveNlight
Gabi

dustus said...

Great use of form... like each individual and it works well as a whole. Nice One Shot!

Ben Langhinrchs said...

Interesting form, and you used it well. Good one shot!

PattiKen said...

I like this. It's an interesting form, and you do it well.

Thanks for your visit.

Everyday Goddess said...

i like finding new forms of poetry. yours were all well written with imagery that was very clear.

she said...

your words are lovely.

SuziCate said...

Love this interesting form...thanks for sharing!

loquaciouslyyours.com said...

This is lovely-- your touch as a writer is confident. I especially like the wobbling chair-- poignant, as we hope that chairs will hold us when we cannot hold ourselves...xj

Eric Alder said...

INteresting technique, using the middle line as a two-way pivot point - makes one read it differently. Nice One Shot!

Nessa said...

A very interesting and fun group of poems.

Chris G. said...

Clever piece, unique in its beauty. Nifty form you use.

Great Pot Luck and One Shot piece!

Beachanny said...

Another innovative work from you this week. I didn't know this form either; but you employ it well. Each acting solo or together as a composite/collage of a couple at home. Well done, you! Thanks, Gay @beachanny

Asobime said...

I LOVE these~ Remind me of Japanese tanka, though the form's syllables don't quite make it....5/7/5/7/7...

But it doesn't matter~! You got that pivot line right, which I find VERY hard~ LOL~

These are bright and beautiful gems. And if OneSpotPoetry allows tanka....I am very happy. My very favorite form of poetry. (along with freeverse)

It's so nice to see a poet inventing in this form. What great freedom and sentiment with so little words. That is magic to me~

Beautiful poems, and Thank You~!

Lady Nyo

John's comments said...

lovely range of images and a clever use of the form And binding with briars our joys and desires. Hope your week goes well.

Erratic Thoughts said...

I liked the concept.
Words can do wonders sometimes when cleverly weaved.Good job!

"I brush it
a tapestry forms on it
that wall
a witness to my joys
smudges speak of sorrows"
Liked this one the best!:)

Shashi said...

Very Imaginative ... now there are so many forms are coming up that I get bewildered sometimes.. recently started writing Gogyohka at twitter... too
But anyways, all your verses are so beautiful and all very meaningful... Thanks for sharing the new style..

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog:http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

brokenpenwriter said...

Love the old man chair and the phone - they both reminded me of me. Your poetry is an exploration, which makes it worthwhile and such a creative, good read. Keep writing!!

tuberider said...

Nice one. Very creative!