Wednesday, November 14, 2007

icy patch------3WW



Icy
Pause
Train

with a slight pause,
I train my eyes towards
a movement behind the bushes.
mist sweeps the surroundings-
cold seeps through my pores;
I shake like a leaf, my feet
holding on to hard ground.

visibility being almost zero,
I follow the sound
taking care not to make a noise.
tripping on a shrub
I fall flat on that icy patch.
numb for a few moments
I examine myself for bruises.

‘what else is broken other than my ego?’

29 comments:

paisley said...

the painful ego always seems to over ride the physical pain in a public fall... try and do it... and NOT look around!!!!!!

pia said...

I fell in the ice once--was wearing too much makeup and looked like a rimmed eyed idiot

Was on my way to get my teeth laminated--and didn't realize the dentist going through with it--he claimed it was like a cast would set the stage for many dental mishaps, so sometimes more than ego....

As usual Guatami you make each word in the poem stand out--show the beauty of words

I love the way visibility being almost zero sounds

charles said...

Nice poem.

I like the imagery.

Thanks for a good 3WW.

charles

Ther said...

ain't it funny that when we try to be as quiet as can be, we always make a mess out of it and fall flat on our face. =)

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

The next line is always, 'I meant to do that." Falling is never fun, your poem makes it serious rather than comical.

Rose

xo

Ghost Particle said...

weird...strange ideas...but thats just me. Another great narrative.

Sandy said...

I love how you used train in your poem...very well done.

S

Christy said...

having survived a lifetime of Canadian winters I can relate to this poem. Well done!

Square1 said...

Oh if I could count the times. Very nicely done!

tumblewords said...

Oh. No. Great imagery and use of prompt!

Shephard said...

Great last line especially.
~S :)

TC said...

Sometimes the ego hurts more than anything else no matter what :)

I really liked how you used train in this.

Christine said...

Great use of train as a verb.

Jujee said...

That read like a complete poem to me...with a nice oomph at the end.

lissa said...

Half a poem? Sounds good to me.

Herb Urban said...

Even your half poems always speak volumes to me. The last line says it all.

Truefaith1963 said...

Guatami, this is my third attempt at leaving a comment!! Blogger is giving me the run-around. I love this poem - its so true! If I slip the first thing I do is check to see who's looking!!

UL said...

Ah, the broken ego! Beautiful as ever, thanks.

LittleWing said...

yes...ouch, that hurt!...winter is just days away...the rhythme i so enjoyed...

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'm hooked: I want to know what the narrator's looking at and so afraid of.

Fledgling Poet said...

lol...I enjoyed this! Been there, done that...! :~)

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

Ah, just slipped down a hill a few months ago, in Canada, tried to be nonchalant, but I was seen. Loved your beginning, it was mysterious, I really didn't expect the fall.

Clare said...

Hi Gautami! I love the suspense in this and the movement of following the sound towards the bushes. And I can totally relate to falling flat, and, yes!, the broken ego! Well done!

Richard said...

oooh, for a second there i thought you were in Kargil. What was behind that bush?

Bone said...

It can't be said enough: ice can be quite slippery :)

The first thing I always do in situations like that is look around and make sure no one else saw me.

sage said...

good 3WW, the use of train is refreshing--many like me thought of a train--now I'm thinking of a new 3WW--I paused, when she trained her icy stare toward me... Have a great Sunday!

A Tag Along Traveler said...

wonderful, absolutely wonderful! I've slipped, tripped and been stupid in public...its always worse when you get "are you alright"....

polona said...

ouch! painful but funny at the same time

Michelle Johnson said...

Bruised ego always hurts more than the actual fall. Nice job with the words. Keep up the good work.

Have a nice night.