Thursday, November 01, 2007

atrophy----Totally Optional Prompts

after a stinging bite,
blood oozed out of his arm
it did not jerk, staying
in that still position.
he watched the mosquito
with complete detachment.
only his eyes moved
breathing too was minimal.
the red coagulating fluid
trickled slowly, falling
on the gritty floor.
he observed it with
closely hooded eyes

shifting was alien
for that prone body,
smiling too was a waste
why make that effort?
bones had taken the shape
of that lumpy mattress,
which was grimy too
with sweat and dirt.
he stared at the ceiling
resigned to his atrophied fate
his alert mind itched to work
battered body could only
refuse with deep regret.


Steve said...

there is no regret.
beautifully written

Pauline said...

his alert mind itched to work - how well you wove in this bit of information and how well you portrayed that poor man's life.

paisley said...

i cannot imagine being a prisoner in my own body... it is one of the scariest things i can think of....

Don Iannone, D. Div., M.Div., MA said...

So very powerful, Gautami. Well done.

Jo said...

A little too close to home for me at the moment but nonetheless very well done.

Dennis said...

Gautami - I realy enjoyed the mystery of this piece. It's easy to imagine who this person might be and what brought him to this fate, but in the end one can only wonder. I liked this much.

Rambler said...

shifting was alien
for that prone body,
smiling too was a waste
why make that effort?

lovely lines gauthami.

Rob Kistner said...

Very powerful indeed Gautami! A strong sense of isolated prisoner... excellent read.

sister AE said...

I read a lot of pain in this one. The lines
"bones had taken the shape
of that lumpy mattress,"
are amazing.

Tumblewords: said...

Oh, the sadness of it. Written with thoughtful care and well-tuned phrases.

Anonymous said...

This piece stirred the emotions at the subcutaneous level, leaving the frontal lobes amazed by the sweat poring from my helpless hands. Very well done.

Mad Kane said...

Frighteningly descriptive!

Mad Kane

Andy Sewina said...

To think a little mosquito could cause such devastation - And how many millions of people have suffered this same way - You've encapsulated what he perhaps, couldn't say. Powerfully written!

Jessica said...

great interpretation of the prompt -- I like the contrast of the mosquitos industry with the person's atrophy. Well done!

polona said...

i once knew a guy who suffered from atrophy...
this brings back some memories...