Icy
Pause
Train
with a slight pause,
I train my eyes towards
a movement behind the bushes.
mist sweeps the surroundings-
cold seeps through my pores;
I shake like a leaf, my feet
holding on to hard ground.
visibility being almost zero,
I follow the sound
taking care not to make a noise.
tripping on a shrub
I fall flat on that icy patch.
numb for a few moments
I examine myself for bruises.
‘what else is broken other than my ego?’
29 comments:
the painful ego always seems to over ride the physical pain in a public fall... try and do it... and NOT look around!!!!!!
I fell in the ice once--was wearing too much makeup and looked like a rimmed eyed idiot
Was on my way to get my teeth laminated--and didn't realize the dentist going through with it--he claimed it was like a cast would set the stage for many dental mishaps, so sometimes more than ego....
As usual Guatami you make each word in the poem stand out--show the beauty of words
I love the way visibility being almost zero sounds
Nice poem.
I like the imagery.
Thanks for a good 3WW.
charles
ain't it funny that when we try to be as quiet as can be, we always make a mess out of it and fall flat on our face. =)
The next line is always, 'I meant to do that." Falling is never fun, your poem makes it serious rather than comical.
Rose
xo
weird...strange ideas...but thats just me. Another great narrative.
I love how you used train in your poem...very well done.
S
having survived a lifetime of Canadian winters I can relate to this poem. Well done!
Oh if I could count the times. Very nicely done!
Oh. No. Great imagery and use of prompt!
Great last line especially.
~S :)
Sometimes the ego hurts more than anything else no matter what :)
I really liked how you used train in this.
Great use of train as a verb.
That read like a complete poem to me...with a nice oomph at the end.
Half a poem? Sounds good to me.
Even your half poems always speak volumes to me. The last line says it all.
Guatami, this is my third attempt at leaving a comment!! Blogger is giving me the run-around. I love this poem - its so true! If I slip the first thing I do is check to see who's looking!!
Ah, the broken ego! Beautiful as ever, thanks.
yes...ouch, that hurt!...winter is just days away...the rhythme i so enjoyed...
I'm hooked: I want to know what the narrator's looking at and so afraid of.
lol...I enjoyed this! Been there, done that...! :~)
Ah, just slipped down a hill a few months ago, in Canada, tried to be nonchalant, but I was seen. Loved your beginning, it was mysterious, I really didn't expect the fall.
Hi Gautami! I love the suspense in this and the movement of following the sound towards the bushes. And I can totally relate to falling flat, and, yes!, the broken ego! Well done!
oooh, for a second there i thought you were in Kargil. What was behind that bush?
It can't be said enough: ice can be quite slippery :)
The first thing I always do in situations like that is look around and make sure no one else saw me.
good 3WW, the use of train is refreshing--many like me thought of a train--now I'm thinking of a new 3WW--I paused, when she trained her icy stare toward me... Have a great Sunday!
wonderful, absolutely wonderful! I've slipped, tripped and been stupid in public...its always worse when you get "are you alright"....
ouch! painful but funny at the same time
Bruised ego always hurts more than the actual fall. Nice job with the words. Keep up the good work.
Have a nice night.
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