Wednesday, October 26, 2011

a captured momemt

you walk out in a huff
your plate of food unfinished
I run to the door to call you back
but you are nowhere to be seen
feeling sad and vulnerable
I walk back inside the house
and sit at the window
with a blurred vision
my thoughts in a turmoil
I wipe my tears, look out, 
see you talking on your cellphone

you sit inclined on a concrete sidewalk
your head bobbing up and down
I curse the person at the other end
you pocket your cellphone, 
sit there with a calmness that jars me

"is it my figment that I see the delivery boy
delivering a pizza to you, and you open it
close it again, and walk towards our home?"

25 comments:

irene said...

Interesting clash of energies in that moment. Happy Diwali!

Brian Miller said...

nice capture...interesting...makes me want to know what happens next....

ayala said...

Nice write and like Brian I want to know what happens next .

jaerose said...

You really did capture the moment..another piece of wonderful..touching..poetry..Jae

Donald Harbour said...

What I want to know is what type pizza was it? Makes all the difference to the instance: "what you eat you are". Enjoyed the poem.
Regards,
Don

JANU said...

emotional.

Heaven said...

nice capture of the moment of discord...

edit suggestion *your* plate

hope it turns out well ~

Yousei Hime said...

Nice twist to the ending, and much thought embedded in the lines before. An intense but interesting moment you captured.

Sheilagh Lee said...

Still kind of insulting he didn't like the food so he ordered a pizza?hope he apologized for his behaviour and abruptness.

Raven's Wing Poetry said...

I get the same impression as Sheilagh.

I like the juxtaposition between the sudden explosion of the person leaving in a huff with the food still sitting on the table...and then the serenity of that person sitting alone, reclining, and ordering the pizza. The explosion and them the calm.

-Nicole

mareymercy said...

I curse the person at the other end

There's a real sense of the isolation in this line.

Linda Jacobs said...

Wow, I was right there in that house looking out! So evocative!

Wayne Pitchko said...

nicely captured

Andy Sewina said...

well told! You certainly captured a moment in time here!!

<3

percy @dreamhopewrite said...

Loving the emotions that this poem ignite... Looking forward to the sequel ... LOL

izzy said...

I really like the way you set this scene! thanks.

flaubert said...

I enjoyed this, Gautami. A very human experience.

Pamela

neil reid said...

This is such a "usual" moment in a way, however your telling renders it with something more than merely ordinary. The feeling feels real. (I think that's part what this prompt is about.) And yes, that last line sums the whole poem so well, that energy inside stillness. Thanks gautami.

neil

Mama Zen said...

Excellent write! I want to know what happens next!

oldegg said...

You certainly let your readers imagination run wild after this most insightful piece. I was able to continue the tale in my head and there was a making up in the end as they shared the pizza,

Ramesh Sood said...

Gautami, Pizza must be delicious.. and I am sure you had a beautiful glittering Diwali...may I be able to read such fascinating poetry next Diwali too.

Morning said...

a job well done,
lovely moments captured.

abthomas said...

I loved the little vignette of turmoil you created!

zongrik said...

ha. it's so easy to make ASSumptions.

Judy Roney said...

I hope it wasn't a figment. I'm loving this ending!