broken feet, with no skin
I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
these girls wear hoops
I forgive them for dancing around us
I wish for a burst of energy
that topples over the brink
may the bolt drop on these girls
may they drown in the shallows of some river
a shame I know
but do they deserve any better?
"putrid flesh has the power to preach-
just you see, just you see"
31 comments:
Excellent write!
Gautami, your writing haunts me.
Wow revenge! thanks.
Nice write...
Great write, Gautami. I love the darkness in this one.
Very good, instinctively direct.
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel
Powerful juxtaposition of images with forgiving them for dancing, yet calling the bolt down upon them! Which will it be? I think I know!
My Whirl
Great poem Gautami, and as a fellow Tree-Hugger,
Thanks for commenting on my Sunday Tree last week. I’ve posted a new ‘Tree’ and would like to invite you to write something in response to it – or to one of the earlier tress. The post can be found here:
http://writteninexile.blogspot.com/2011/10/sunday-trees-experimental-tree.html
Best wishes, Isabel
Overwhelming feelings, a mix of hate, vengeance and forgiveness!!
Such vicious, pent up emotions are on the brink of bursting! A tension of poetic drama!
I, also, like the tension in this.
Strong and deep. Conclusion very powerful...whew!
Gautami, dark and haunting poem. Excellent use of the words.
Pamela
Strong and dark, like good coffee.
amazing.
lovely usage of wordle words.
amazing.
lovely usage of wordle words.
Some part of your poem sounds as if you may admire the hoop wearing,
life affirming sisters and another part sounds a tad envious.
I like this a lot..from working on this prompt it has made me consider becoming a vegetarian...this a fine tale of revenge
'do they deserve any better' - An intriguing piece!
I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
these girls wear hoops
I forgive them for dancing around us
CLEVER write! I really like it.
Dead meat inspires dark thoughts...
Love the vivid images...
Powerful, haunting writing, Gautami!
Powerful and beautiful .... I am delighted the Universe brought you to me and I to you :)
Wonderfully evocative Gautami. You have so many voices and each one is weilded with depth and integrity.
Elizabeth
Macabre at it's best... :)
Cheers,
Arnab Majumdar on SribbleFest.com
Such honesty in this one - we do long to forgive, yet some part of us still wants revenge. Which part wins both reveals and shapes who we are.
Well written.
Intriguing. What a swirl of emotions you've packed into this!
There is a lot in this one which I find disturbing and yet fascinating. Haunting indeed.
Dark, really cool flow. Well pennned.
Hello.
Masterfully done...even with the dark undercurrent!
Thanks for sharing Gautami.
Undress Me With Your Sultry Eyes
Post a Comment