Tuesday, October 04, 2011

no song, this is?!

Away to the Sky by beloavaan at deviantART
with a muddled brain
I jumped from the roof
(gravity worked strange)
I landed on top of a cloud

when a giant bird pushed me again
I found some balloons
I stilled my heart, bent my ears
became a blind bird

no one wrote a song for me
or spoke about me
I now move over castles
waiting for a free fall

'when I kick you with my weightless feet,
all will know you killed me'

26 comments:

Anthony Desmond said...

nice write... very cool imagery

Timoteo said...

Very nice. That last line is a killer.

Brian Miller said...

whew...chilling closing line...

Pat Hatt said...

Very intense last line, loved it.

Daydreamertoo said...

I agree, that last line was like a punch that came out of nowhere.
A great write.

Adura Ojo said...

Thought provoking imagery with a killer of a closing line. The last line felt more like a twist so it was all the more effective.

hedgewitch said...

Way to flip the readers mind back and forth like a pancake on a hot grill. Very surreal. Enjoyed the way your mind works here.

Shauna said...

the picture caught my breath and your
poem snatched it back.

beautifully surreal.

fallenelegy said...

this poem is intense but wonderfully done to the poem. the last line sums it all.

Ramesh Sood said...

Oh, this is so very beautiful.. jumping from the roof and landing on a cloud...I have stopped to expect any think less than what you write always on your page Gautami..

A Daft Scots Lass said...

laughed @ Timoteo!

Great finish

vivinfrance said...

Definitely different. Well done with a horrible prompt to make a beautiful poem!

Deborah said...

Another for the 'last line' well done!

neil reid said...

Strange but evocative images that you traced with feathers and clouds! A wonder poem recipe.

irene said...

The third stanza is quite something, yes.

Donald Harbour said...

Guatami, I personally believe this is one of the finest poems I have read on your blog. This is a magnificent piece of imagination and poetic interpretation. I love it. I believe you have found your stride, now strut your stuff girl.
Regards,
Don

Beachanny said...

Surreal poetry at its best; very imaginative and chilling in the end. Excellent work.

barbara said...

Gravity, indeed, works strange. That third stanza, after the dream imagery, is a heart-breaker.

Kavita said...

Gave me the chills, this poem! For 2 reasons..
1: I was thinking about gravity and weightlessness just today morning..
and 2: that last line - absolute stunner!!! A power packed punch that was!

Wayne Pitchko said...

lizessonHello Gautami.....love the imagery of another wonderful poem ...thanks for sharing this

Ann LeFlore said...

such a great ending and this poem is very chilling well done
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/04/memories/

turtlememoir said...

Nice, fanciful. I like the idea of jumping from a roof to land on a cloud - a much softer landing for sure than the ground.

Morning said...

what a thrilling ride,
profound imagery.

Lolamouse said...

Very cool poem! I could hear this as a song actually. I agree with the other posters that the last lines are chilling and especially powerful.

ayala said...

Nice write... Great last line.

zongrik said...

kind of sad, almost like there is no hope to be rescued.