Sunday, October 16, 2011

hanging my head

broken feet, with no skin
I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
these girls wear hoops
I forgive them for dancing around us
I wish for a burst of energy
that topples over the brink
may the bolt drop on these girls
may they drown in the shallows of some river
a shame I know
but do they deserve any better?

"putrid flesh has the power to preach-
just you see, just you see"

31 comments:

Mama Zen said...

Excellent write!

christopher said...

Gautami, your writing haunts me.

izzy said...

Wow revenge! thanks.

Tess Kincaid said...

Nice write...

brenda w said...

Great write, Gautami. I love the darkness in this one.

Kay L. Davies said...

Very good, instinctively direct.

Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

Powerful juxtaposition of images with forgiving them for dancing, yet calling the bolt down upon them! Which will it be? I think I know!

My Whirl

Isabel Doyle said...

Great poem Gautami, and as a fellow Tree-Hugger,
Thanks for commenting on my Sunday Tree last week. I’ve posted a new ‘Tree’ and would like to invite you to write something in response to it – or to one of the earlier tress. The post can be found here:
http://writteninexile.blogspot.com/2011/10/sunday-trees-experimental-tree.html
Best wishes, Isabel

Nanka said...

Overwhelming feelings, a mix of hate, vengeance and forgiveness!!

Gemma Wiseman said...

Such vicious, pent up emotions are on the brink of bursting! A tension of poetic drama!

Martin said...

I, also, like the tension in this.

Mary said...

Strong and deep. Conclusion very powerful...whew!

flaubert said...

Gautami, dark and haunting poem. Excellent use of the words.

Pamela

Lolamouse said...

Strong and dark, like good coffee.

Morning said...

amazing.
lovely usage of wordle words.

Morning said...

amazing.
lovely usage of wordle words.

Paige said...

Some part of your poem sounds as if you may admire the hoop wearing,
life affirming sisters and another part sounds a tad envious.

Susie Clevenger said...

I like this a lot..from working on this prompt it has made me consider becoming a vegetarian...this a fine tale of revenge

Tumblewords: said...

'do they deserve any better' - An intriguing piece!

Margaret said...

I hang shoulder to shoulder with my siblings
these girls wear hoops
I forgive them for dancing around us

CLEVER write! I really like it.

Nicholas V. said...

Dead meat inspires dark thoughts...

Laurie Kolp said...

Love the vivid images...

Marianne said...

Powerful, haunting writing, Gautami!

Dr. Pearl Ketover Prilik (PKP) said...

Powerful and beautiful .... I am delighted the Universe brought you to me and I to you :)

Elizabeth said...

Wonderfully evocative Gautami. You have so many voices and each one is weilded with depth and integrity.

Elizabeth

Arnab Majumdar said...

Macabre at it's best... :)

Cheers,
Arnab Majumdar on SribbleFest.com

Traci B said...

Such honesty in this one - we do long to forgive, yet some part of us still wants revenge. Which part wins both reveals and shapes who we are.

Well written.

Kelly said...

Intriguing. What a swirl of emotions you've packed into this!

Peggy said...

There is a lot in this one which I find disturbing and yet fascinating. Haunting indeed.

Adura Ojo said...

Dark, really cool flow. Well pennned.

Andy said...

Hello.
Masterfully done...even with the dark undercurrent!

Thanks for sharing Gautami.

Undress Me With Your Sultry Eyes