Tuesday, December 04, 2007

promise of a movie--Writers Island

Promise has so many nuances. It can take concrete meanings or entirely abstract one. Here I take it in yet another form. I rarely write the way I did here. I am trying different forms of writings. Please do feel free to tell me your opinions.

Draping death like some kind of shield.
Do we need halos like that?

A few flaunt their sacrifices.

It ceases being one.

How did that happen?

Was he asleep?

Is it a nightmare but with vivid colours?

Any story needs a hero and a villain too.
Both merge at a point.
Maybe there never is a hero.

That horse that kicked him on his forehead is being felicitated.
While he lay there half-dead.
In that rat infested stable.
Stable boy since a long time.

Why did he act like a saviour?
Preventing theft of the prized horses.
However, horse hit the wrong guy.

In that semi-dead state, he smells roses.

Sees colours.

Deep red.

Tastes chocolates.

Filled with nuts.

Everything is enacted with his eyes closed.
A whole movie behind his eyelids.

That girl in the big house watching him.

Smiling when he lifts his head to look back.
A come-hither expression on her face.

He had not dared to respond.

Now lying on that hard floor, head almost spilt open,
he thinks of her.
Her softness.
Promising himself to go to her as soon as he can stand up.

Slowly his eyes close, life ebbing, he enters the land of no return.


Whitesnake said...

I liked the tale :-)

Beau Brackish said...

Very dark tale. It almost read like beat poetry. I enjoyed it. Everything you write delves deep below the surface and conveys great humanity.

Rambler said...

I liked the contrasting emotions in the poem a lot.

Marja said...

A black beauty. strirring confusing emotions evoking

J said...

"till date" reads a little awkward to me, but only because the rest of the piece is written so smoothly. An interesting story laid out, with a slow reveal, makes for an energy that propelled me forward.

d sinclair said...

yep, this is definitely different from your usual style - your writing seems to have more depth in this piece. well done...

gautami tripathy said...

j, I re-read and tweaked it a bit. Previously, I had posted it without editing.


Keith's Ramblings said...

Well, that was different! Excellent take

Jo said...

A great tale.

grumplestiltskin said...

love that movie behind his eyelids
and the promise in the lady's look
enjoyed this one
thank you

Jen B said...

Very sad ending, I enjoyed it! I'm trying something new too, it's fun to play around with different types of writings.

Anonymous said...

A bit sad but an alluring tale.

Here's my writers island
letter 3

I heard from my blogger friend Karina that Blogger is testing using open id for non-blogger
Read her post:
Blogger Comments Issues and Solution

Mary Timme said...

White snake toward the end said it all for me. That's when it clicked and reality headed to my innards. Wow!

Head Cookie said...

What an interesting story.

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

Sad. This really is an adventure into a new twist in y our writing. Nice work.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy the dark imagery. Somebody mentioned this, but it this does have a 'beat' quality.

Preethi said...

lovely tale.. and such contrasts in the moods... beautiful

Anonymous said...

I find this interesting in that the promise is made from a smile and causes the events that followed. Perhaps the smile was never for him?


polona said...

this has a wonderful flow.
beautiful sad tale...

Tumblewords: said...

Dark, eerie, mysterious and surreal...nicely done!

Pauline said...

no matter what you write or how you write it, your words make me think

aMus said...

what a sad story but so well written!!! loved the way you played the the contrast in emotions !!

Anonymous said...

What a story, Gautami. I liked the play of movie behind the eyelids, after all, memories and life is just a film where we act out our parts...reality is something far-beyond. Thank you.


chicklegirl said...

I loved how you used senses to make your poem more powerful: lacing it with vivid colors, smells, and tastes.

Rob Kistner said...

I really liked this Gautami! This is a fascinating side of your writing craft -- please do more... ;)