My muse is refusing to work. It must have gone into the holiday mode! I am not at all happy with this piece. I can't even think of a proper title for it. Suggestions and critiques are welcome.
when sun comes down closing its wings,
eagle returns home to that tallest tree-
almost reaching towards yellow moon.
changing facets of night keep it rooted.
at first dawn of light, it will go its way-
spreading its wings, circling all over,
eyes on target, descending unhurriedly-
with precision on its unsuspecting prey.
18 comments:
this is an amazing spectacle to observe... i have a lot of hawks around,, and they are equally as focused....
hi
good thoughts arranged in a cute manner.... keep going
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GAUTAMI. I like it very much. Looks good to me. Chilling. Just this maybe?: "changing facets of night keeps [keep] it rooted."
Maybe call it EAGLE or UNSUSPECTING PREY or ON FOCUS?
I've been reading all your posts. Lovely stuff about your dad. Yes...
I love the image of the sun closing its wings! This poem is a keeper!
You do capture something of the solitary vigilance of the eagle here, Gautami. I wonder if there's need for a further strand in the poem, maybe a sense of the more permanent vigilance of the moon. The notion of a 'hunter's moon', possibly, watching the eagle watching, as it were..?
well I could see the images and descending unhurriedly is perfect.
Well focused poem as usual. You write beautifully. I loved the opening line. And, I could easily see the images set forth in this poem. Morning Prey would be a nice title, I think.
I have something for you at "shades of mj" if you would like to stop by.
Have a nice day.
I think you captured the scene brilliantly. Remember, we are our own worst critics. I don't think my poem for today turned out well at all either, but my husband appreciated it, and I guess ultimately that's what really mattered when I wrote it.
I only do a weekly poem and find myself a bit too burnt out to think of good composition. I can not imagine how you do it daily. There will be days when you will not like what you write, but go back to it after a few weeks and you'll be shocked that it was better than you thought it was.
Good job, it deserves a title. When I have trouble with a title I look to the end. When the title is from the end it primes the reader to get there. Something like 'descent'? 'slow descent'?
You describe it so well. Think the last line makes a great title
Glad to see you still striving, even when its hard.
I like the image from this piece...even without a title. ;).
~gg
wow im glad i happened by this little untitled!!! beautiful!
I don't believe your muse is refusing to work. These words are a true snapshot of an eagle...
i love birds of prey and this poem speaks to me.
I get the feeling your muse may be working, just not in the direction you want! This has a lot of nice in it.
For titles, it depends on what you'd like to focus attention on. Any of these might work:
Rapt
Gripped by the Eagle
New Day
or even something to point out the cyclical nature of this, its raptorial routine.
sister AE
at
Having Writ
Interesting that you don't like this one - I read and reread it and think it's quite good
perhaps if you played with the line length by omitting a word or two you could achieve a physical sense of descent...
one of my poetry professors often suggested titles that suggested but did not repeat the main point of the poem.
i see your muse has returned above ;-) very nice - was wondering what the gift was
ascenderrisesabove.com/wordpress
The eternal flux of energy!:)
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